The Woman In The Doctor's Clothes
by holdthecat
Summary: Season 8 female Doctor AU. The Doctor is confused and London - perhaps the world - is in danger. Again. Will Clara get her Doctor back? Will the Doctor remember her? Will it be too late?
1. Deep Breath: Part One

Golden light filled the room. It was blinding, and yet Clara couldn't look away. She didn't want to see. She didn't want it to end. She knew once it was over, the Doctor, her best friend, the most amazing man she had ever met - would be gone forever. She would never see those eyes, that stupid chin, ever again. Yes, she needed to see this. She would never forgive herself if she didn't.

And then it was over. The light was gone. Clara held her breath.

There was someone stood in his place. Someone blonde. Their hair was shorter than his. They were shorter in height, too - and yet, still taller than Clara.

Not that she paid attention to any of that; there was something more pressing on her mind.

'Oh.' The Doctor said.

Clara stared, incredulous. 'What?'

A hand shot to the Doctor's throat. 'Oh?'

Clara continued to stare. _'What?'_

The Doctor peered down the bow-tie-less, unbuttoned collar. 'Ohhh.' She said.

Clara's eyes were perfectly round. _'What?!'_

* * *

><p>The Tardis doors opened and the Doctor stumbled out, brandishing his - <em>her<em> - sonic screwdriver. 'Come along, Pond!' She spun on the spot, tripping over her own feet and managing to right herself again.

Clara stepped out behind her. She was quiet, her expression somewhere between worried and exasperated.

'Allons-y. Geronimo. Lay on, Macduff - wait, that wasn't me, was it? Or was it? Our Will, he was a bit of a handful, eh? Remember that? Good old JK.'

Clara watched as the Doctor babbled, half-dazed and all heart broken. _She doesn't remember me,_ she thought. _She barely even knows_ _I'm_ _here._

'Clara?'

Clara turned to see Vastra, Jenny and Strax heading toward her. They didn't pay any attention to the woman in the Doctor's clothes.

'Is that you?' Vastra called.

'Yeah, it's me.' Clara replied, glad to see people who actually recognised her.

'No,' Jenny said, pointing. 'Is _that_ you?'

Clara turned to see what she meant and gasped, her eyes widening. 'Is that... Is that a dinosaur?'

It was huge, taller than Big Ben. The ground beneath Clara's feet trembled when it roared.

'Yes.' Vastra replied. 'We think she followed you here. The Tardis was in her mouth.'

'How is that possible?'

'We were hoping the Doctor would explain. Where is he?'

Clara could have burst into tears. She pointed. 'That's him. I mean, her.'

Vastra, Jenny and Strax peered at the Doctor, noticing her presence for the first time. The Doctor, on her part, was completely indifferent; she had made pretend binoculars with her hands and was inspecting her surroundings through them.

'He's a woman?'

'She's a woman, dear.'

'Is that supposed to happen?'

'I suppose there's no rule against it.'

'Wasn't he a woman before?'

'No, Strax. She wasn't.'

'Well, I can't tell the difference. Sontarans are Sontarans. We don't complicate things the way humans do.'

'Neither do Time Lords, apparently.'

Clara either didn't hear or didn't listen; she was too busy watching the Doctor. She knew this would come eventually. He had told her about regenerating. He said he would die, change, but he would still be the same. Well, he had been wrong. She wasn't the same. She had forgotten her.

The Doctor strode toward them. 'Turn off your sonic lanterns. You're giving the big lizard a headache. Big lizard #1, I mean. No offence, big lizard #2.'

Vastra hissed.

Clara finally found her voice. 'Doctor?'

'What's that, my boy?'

'I'm a girl.'

The Doctor frowned, inspecting Clara's face. 'Are you sure? We can't both be girls. It would ruin the dynamic.'

'Doctor,' Clara pleaded. 'You're confused. You need to rest.'

The Doctor straightened her back, lifting her chin as if she was posing. 'On the contrary, I feel completely fine. It's you who's going all wobbly. You should really see a doctor about that.' And then, without warning, she fell to the ground.

Vastra sighed. 'Here we go again.'


	2. Deep Breath: Part Two

'Doctor, please, you have to lie down.'

'Look at me. I'm fine. I'm wonderful. Fantastic. See?' The Doctor grinned, showing all her teeth. 'Have you ever anyone who looks better than me? Of course you haven't.' She peered into a mirror and inspected her face. 'I'm really quite handsome, aren't I? Not to mention the size of my -'

_'Doctor!'_

'Ears. They're quite small, compared to what they could have been. And thank god, with this hair I'd never be able to hide them.'

'Doctor.' Clara stepped between her and the mirror, trying to catch the Doctor's eye. 'You keep passing out. You need to go to bed.'

'But I don't want to go to bed.'

'Don't make me ask again.'

'I'm not even tired!'

'Five.'

The Doctor folded her arms, smirking. 'I won't do it.'

'Four.'

'It's not fair!'

'Three.'

The Doctor let out a long, exaggerated groan. _'Fine.'_ She threw herself onto the mattress, bouncing from the impact with a cross expression on her face.

Clara smiled. 'Now try to get some sleep.'

'I hate you.'

'You don't remember me.'

'Well, I'm sure I'll hate you just the same when I do.'

Clara, her chin wobbling slightly, nodded, and walked away.

* * *

><p>Vastra and Jenny were waiting on the landing. Clara pressed her lips together, willing herself not to cry. Of all the things that could have happened, this was perhaps the worst. It was as if he had died, and she - that woman - had come along and stolen his name and dressed up in his clothes. Was she supposed to just play along with it? Pretend everything was normal?<p>

Vastra took her gently by the arm. 'Did you get her to lie down?'

Clara nodded, knowing that if she spoke her voice would betray her.

'Well, we'll all head downstairs and have a pot of tea, shall we?'

'I'll put the kettle on.'

'Thank you, dear.'

Jenny shot Clara a reassuring smile. 'Cheer up, ma'am. It's not like he died.'

Clara choked and bust into tears. Over her head, Vastra sent Jenny a disapproving look. Jenny pulled a sheepish face in response.

'Oh dear. Whatever's the matter?'

Clara took a shaky breath. 'She's not him.'

'Well, of course she's him. You saw him change.'

'But she's not, is she? How do we fix her?'

'Well, I'm sure she'll be more... stable... after she's rested-'

'That's not what I meant.'

_'Oh?'_ Madame Vastra's voice rose a level, as cool and sharp as a knife.

'How do we change her back?'

Vastra pulled away from Clara, all sentiment gone. 'Jenny, I'll be in my chamber. Would you be kind enough to fetch my veil?'

Jenny nodded, her expression wounded. 'Yes ma'am.'


	3. Deep Breath: Part Three

Unsure of what to do, Clara had headed back to the Doctor's room. When she first opened the door she thought the Doctor was asleep. She entered anyway, closing the door behind her as quietly as she could. She had no where else to go, after all. No one else to be with. She was alone.

She slid down the door and let the tears fall freely, still trying not to make a sound. Her Doctor wouldn't have left her. Not like this. But that's not what Vastra had said, was it? She said the Doctor and that woman were one and the same. And that meant he, the real Doctor, had left her, too. She didn't know which was worse.

She looked up just in time to see the Doctor sneak a quick glance at her.

Clara sighed. 'I saw you. I know you're awake.'

For a second or two, the Doctor didn't answer. 'Did you also know that I'm telepathic?'

Clara closed her eyes, banging her head on the door behind her. 'I forgot.'

'You were thinking quite loudly.'

'Yeah, well, you hurt my feelings.'

'I didn't notice.'

'No, you didn't.'

The Doctor propped herself up on her elbow. 'Would you like me to change back?'

'Can you?'

'That's a yes.'

'I didn't say that.'

'You didn't say no.'

'Well is that so wrong of me? He knew who I was, at least.' Clara snapped.

'I don't know who I am. How am I supposed to remember you?'

Clara swallowed hard. 'I don't know. I don't know, okay?'

'You thought you mattered to me.'

Tears blurred Clara's vision. 'Yes.'

'Well, that's that settled then, isn't it? I'll just let you know if you did once I remember. Until then,' The Doctor stuck out her hand. 'Hello, I'm the Doctor. Or so everybody seems to call me.'

Clara didn't move. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how she felt and she didn't know how she wanted to feel and she didn't know the Doctor anymore.

The Doctor wiggled her fingers. 'It's not going to shake itself.'

Before Clara could even open her mouth, there was a knock at the door. She jumped to her feet, relieved, and swung it open.

Strax scowled up at her. 'Put your hands in the air and submit yourself to the superior sontaran race. Also, Madame Vastra is waiting for you.'

'Alright. Well.' Clara sent the Doctor a tentative smile. 'Duty calls.' And, not daring to see the expression on her face, Clara left.


	4. Deep Breath: Part Four

'How did it happen?'

'I don't know. I don't know. We were crashing about everywhere. The Doctor was gone. The Tardis went haywire.'

'She's not gone. She's upstairs.'

'Right. Okay.'

Vastra's disapproving look was all too visible through her veil. 'You don't accept that.'

'Well, she's not the Doctor, is she? She's different.'

'Of course she's different; she's regenerated. That does not mean she's not the Doctor.'

Clara took a shaky breath. 'But she's not... She's not _my_ Doctor.'

'Because she put on a new face?'

'No, of course not-'

'Ah. So you looked deep into her soul in the five minutes you talked and now you know everything about her.'

'That's not what I meant.'

'Well, do enlighten us, please.'

'She doesn't remember me!' Clara burst out. 'The Doctor I knew wouldn't have forgotten me and he certainly wouldn't have said anything to hurt me on purpose! So don't you dare imply that I'm shallow or ignorant or whatever else you seem to think about me because I don't care about what people look like because if I did I wouldn't have had such a huge crush on someone with such a humongous chin!'

* * *

><p>The Doctor put her hand on the doorhandle and yet couldn't quite get herself to turn it.<p>

'Well, come on then.' She told it. 'We've got a dinosaur to save.'

Her hand stayed defiantly still.

The Doctor rolled her eyes. 'This is who we are now. We're suave and sophisticated and we use doors.'

Her hand still didn't budge. The Doctor sighed. 'Fine. We'll flip a coin, shall we? Heads for door, tails for window.'

She reached into her coat pocket and found a handful of sweet wrappers, a fancy looking button and - 'Aha!' - a penny. It hit the ground, bounced, and landed on Queen-side up. After checking no one was watching, the Doctor bent double and flipped the coin over herself. She grinned. 'Window it is.'

* * *

><p>'So don't you dare act like I'm superficial because there's only one person making judgements based on appearance right now and it's certainly not me!'<p>

Jenny wooped and clapped.

Vastra smiled. 'So the lake is ruffled at last. I did wonder what it would take before you would lose your temper.'

Clara let out a deep breath, all the fire in her put out again. 'You were trying to make me angry?'

'I needed to know I was amongst friends. Besides, it's better than wallowing.'

'I wasn't-'

'And on to business.' Vastra leaned forward in her chair. 'The Doctor needs you, now perhaps more than ever. She's lost and alone - and we all know the Doctor should never be alone. You need to remind her who she is. You need to remind her what being the Doctor is all about.'

Clara had been about to say something when she realised that something was different. She blinked. 'When did you stop wearing your veil?'

Vastra grinned. 'When you stopped seeing it.'

* * *

><p>The Doctor stood on the rooftop, the breeze finding it's way into her coat and between the buttons of her shirt. Not that she felt it.<p>

'Excuse me! Madam? You, with the comically short arms! Could you happen to speak a little clearer? You see, your accent's a bit thick and my ears are really quite small. It's tragic, I know.'

The dinosaur roared.

The Doctor nodded, rubbing an imaginary beard. 'Yes. Mhm. I still can't understand a word you're saying. But no matter.' She jumped into a Wonder Woman-esque pose. 'My name is the Doctor, and I shall be rescuing you this evening!'

It was at this point that the dinosaur burst into flames.

The Doctor ran forward, her eyes wide with horror. 'No! No no no no no no no! Stop that! Stop it!' She was frozen, transfixed, unable to look away or do anything to help.

The dinosaur let out one last, agonised cry and collapsed.


	5. Deep Breath: Part Five

'That came from the river.'

Jenny's eyes bulged. 'The dinosaur.'

In the split second in which no one reacted, Clara saw something in Vastra's face change - something subtle, yes, but evident; she had switched to battle mode.

'Strax!' Vastra yelled. 'Bring the carriage! Now!'

Before anyone could move, however, they were interrupted by a thunderous crash in the next room, closely followed by a very solid sounding thud and the clattering of broken glass. At first, no one stirred, not certain of what had happened, much less what to do about it.

It was Clara who recovered fastest. She rushed out of the room and into the hallway. Something barrelled past her, disappearing through the set of double doors before she could get a proper look at it. She followed as fast as her skirt and heels would allow, and reached the landing just in time to see the Doctor swing herself over the banister and onto the floor below.

Without stopping to turn, Clara knew Jenny and Vastra were close behind, and called to them as she hurried down the stairs. 'It's her! It's the Doctor!'

She stumbled her way to the bottom just in time to see the front door slam shut. Pausing only to groan, she carried on run-hobbling up to foyer, through the double doors and into the courtyard. There Strax stood with the carriage beside him. The horse was gone, only a yellow dust cloud and a fresh track left in it's place.

* * *

><p>For someone who didn't recognise the back of her own hand, the Doctor rode a horse relatively well. It came almost naturally, even, but not through talent. The fact she could read it's mind was a big part of it.<p>

'Come on, Richard! This is not the time to be thinking about fillies!'

The horse neighed irritably.

The Doctor rolled her eyes. 'Yes, I'm sure she's lovely.'

* * *

><p>Vastra, now veiled, stepped in front of a carriage.<p>

'Whoa!' The driver yelled, yanking on the reigns and jolting to a stop. 'What in God's name do you think you're doing? I could have knocked you down!'

'I need your carriage. It's urgent.'

The driver guffawed. 'And you think I'm just gonna hand it over?'

Vastra pulled back her veil, revealing her green scaled flesh. 'Yes, I do.'

The driver howled, leapt from his seat and ran away.

Vastra shook her head, watching him wave his arms as he faded into the distance before remembering herself. 'Alright! Everybody in!'

* * *

><p>The Doctor dismounted at Westminster Bridge and pulled herself up onto the parapet. She looked down at the burning carcass, oblivious to the sound of a carriage drawing up behind her.<p>

Clara approached quietly. 'What happened?'

The Doctor's face remained neutral, all straight lines, yet somehow it showed more than any expression could. 'She died.'

'How?'

'I don't know.' After a second or two, she whipped around to face them. 'She burst into flames. Is it just me, or does that strike you as odd?'

'Doctor! Your face!'

The Doctor suddenly became aware of a stinging in her forehead and cheek. Tentatively, she pressed a hand to it. He face was grazed. 'Ah, it's just a scratch.'

Before Clara could stop her, the Doctor began to rub her injuries. Her hand glowed golden, and when she removed it the grazes had vanished. The Doctor watched as a last spark of energy weaved between her fingers and faded away. She smiled. 'I haven't quite loaded yet.'

Vastra stepped forward. 'Doctor, what can you tell us about the dinosaur?'

The Doctor held her hands behind her back. 'Tyrannasaur, female, roughly 96 metres tall. Murdered in broad daylight in the middle of London.'

'Murdered?' Jenny asked.

'As far as I'm aware, dinosaurs don't generally set fire to themselves. Not on Earth, anyway.'

'Who or what could have done this thing?'

'It doesn't matter who or how. I'm sure they'll pop up and threaten me with it soon enough. No, what matters is for what purpose.'

'And what is the purpose?'

The Doctor grinned. 'Haven't the foggiest. Now, onto the next port of call. There is the smouldering corpse of an extinct species of giant reptile in the Thames. Exciting, no?'

Clara stared up at her, appalled.

The Doctor dropped her smile. 'Tragic, of course, yes, horrible. Dreadful.' She cleared her throat. 'As I was saying. It's not something that occurs often. And what do humans do when they see something that they deem to be different? They stare. They point. They whisper. Sometimes they even get angry. So tell me - if that's the way humans act... then what on earth is he?' The Doctor pointed to a man far in the distance, strolling leisurely away.

'He seems remarkably unmoved by the available spectacle.'

'Which of course brings me to my next question.' The Doctor crouched down until she was almost at eye level with Clara. To her surprise, the Doctor reached out and took her hands. 'Now, I need you to answer me honestly, because this next bit is quite important.'

A little flustered, Clara nodded. 'Yes. Yes, alright. What is it?'

The Doctor inspected her face for a second longer before finally speaking. 'Can I swim?'

Clara blinked. 'I- I think so?'

'Well, I guess I'll take your word for it.' And with that she stood, took a step forward and disappeared over the edge.


	6. Deep Breath: Part Six

The Doctor shook her head, trying to dislodge the water in her ears, her hair stuck up at odd angles.

She had found herself on a cramped, cobblestone road, with colourful washing lines strung between the terraces like bunting in a parade. A couple of chickens roamed up and down freely.

'You alright there, sir?'

The Doctor turned to see a little boy stood behind her, a frayed cap on his head and clogs on his feet. His eyes widened slightly when he saw the Doctor's face.

The Doctor smiled. 'It's alright. I get confused too. This face is fresh on, you see. It takes some adjusting.'

'Your clothes are funny.'

'So are yours.'

The boy wrinkled his nose. 'You smell pretty funny an' all.'

'I'm sure you would too if you'd just had a dip in the Thames. Don't do that, by the way. Naught out of ten, would not recommend.'

'You're a bit weird, ain't you?'

The Doctor bent double to look him in the face. 'Would you like to know a secret?'

The boy nodded.

The Doctor looked around her, as if checking no one was in earshot. The boy mirrored her. Once they had both established the coast was clear, the Doctor leaned in and spoke in a stage whisper. 'All the best people are.'

The boy pulled a face. 'That's a rubbish secret.'

The Doctor stood. 'Yes. Well. You're short.'

'So are you.'

'Not as short as you. You're practically a monkey.'

'I'm a child. I'm supposed to be this height.'

'Well I'm taller than you and I'm still a child.' A thought suddenly struck the Doctor and she clicked her fingers. 'Hey, here's an idea. Since my secret was so rubbish, how about you tell me a better one?'

The boy smiled fiendishly. 'I know where babies come from.'

'What? No. Let's see... Why don't you tell me if there have been any mysterious disappearances lately?'

'That's not a secret. All London knows about that.'

'For the sake of the conversation let's say I'm from up north.'

'You don't sound like it.'

'Ey up, cock. Let's have it, then.'

The boy didn't seem too convinced, but he spoke anyway. 'People keep going missing, don't they? There one minute, gone the next. They say all that's left is a black mark on the floor.'

'Well, what do you know.' The Doctor said, her eyebrows arched. 'Something is rotten in the state of London.'


	7. Deep Breath: Part Seven

Clara looked at the newspaper once more. Maybe she had read it wrong. What else could it have meant? How many impossible girls could there possibly be? No, she decided. It was definitely for her. And it couldn't not be from the Doctor, surely. She smiled, satisfied. This had to mean she remembered her. It was about time, too. The question now was how long she would have to wait.

A smell wafted up Clara's nose and she coughed.

'Afternoon.' The Doctor said. The seam on her shoulder had come undone and the sleeve of her jacket was almost hanging off. Her shirt had a brown tint to it, a waistcoat button was missing. The fob chain and medallion was gone.

'What happened to you?'

The Doctor looked down at herself. 'What do you mean?'

'You look like you've been mugged.'

'Ah.'

'Wait - were you mugged?'

'No, no. It's been a busy kind of day, that's all.'

'And what does that mean?'

'Well, apparently if you want to look at a crime scene these days you have to break in or bribe people.'

'What about your psychic paper?'

'Ah.'

'You forgot, didn't you?'

'Yepp.'

Clara rolled her eyes. 'Please tell me you at least kept your watch.'

'I might have given it to a little boy.'

'You loved that watch.'

'Really? I found it a bit gaudy.'

Clara frowned. Something about that last comment bothered her. 'You don't remember if you liked your watch?'

'Honestly, dear, I thought we'd gone through this already.'

'No, no, hang on. If you don't remember that, how do you remember me?'

The Doctor frowned. 'I don't.'

'Yes you do.'

'No, I really don't.'

'Yes, you do. You put that advert in the newspaper. Remember? 'Impossible Girl, lunch on the other side?' Ringing any bells?'

'No. No, I can't say it is.'

Clara held up the newspaper. 'Look! It's right there!'

The Doctor scrutinised the print. 'What on Earth does that mean?'

'You should know. You wrote it.'

'Actually, I shouldn't. Because I didn't.'

'Then how did you know I was here?'

_'You_ were waiting for _me._ I'm mid investigation.'

Clara stared, the Doctor's words sinking in. 'So if it wasn't you...'

The Doctor took the paper from Clara's hands and inspected it closer. 'Impossible girl?'

'It's my nickname.'

'Bit self-aggrandising, don't you think?'

'You made it up, not me.'

The Doctor replaced the paper on the table. 'So, obviously, someone wanted us here. Is there anyone we know...?'

'No. Not apart from Jenny and Vastra.'

'And it wasn't them?'

'No.'

The Doctor leaned back in her seat. 'Curiouser and curiouser.' She pressed her hands together and rested them against her lips, already lost deep in thought.

Something suddenly occurred to Clara. 'Wait a minute... If you're not here for me, why did you come?'

'Hmm? Oh. Well, as I said, I'm mid investigation. There's been a lot of cases of people bursting into flame around here, and they all seem to occur in this area, all within a few miles of this place and increasing in number around this block. Most of the other buildings are dwellings, so it seemed natural to check here first. And it would seem I was right.'

'And why's that?'

'Take a look.'

Clara looked out across the restaurant, inspecting the room. Nothing seemed out of place. Decoration, people, food... People with full plates. People not drinking from the cups they lifted to their mouths, biting from their forks or cutting with their knives. 'They're not eating. Why aren't they eating?'

'It's a trap.'

'A trap?'

'A trap.'

'What do we do?'

'Well, considering that it's a trap, it probably won't be in our best interests to try and leave. Especially when we're vastly outnumbered. Especially especially when we don't know what they are.'

'Okay, so now we know exactly what we won't do. I'm glad we cleared that up.'

'This isn't the time to get snippy, dear.'

'This isn't snippy! This is perfectly justifiable frustration!'

All the diners suddenly rested their cutlery and turned their heads to face Clara and the Doctor.

The Doctor sank a little in her seat. 'Well, if they didn't know we knew before, they definitely do now.'

A waiter stalked across the room towards them, juddering to a halt when he reached their table. His face was completely emptied of emotion.

'What do we do?' Clara hissed.

'Improvise.' Replied the Doctor.

With the tip of a pencil, the waiter shone a green light over the Doctor's body. 'Liver. Spleen. Brainstem. Eyes. Lungs. Skin.'

He shone the pencil at Clara. 'Spleen. Kidneys. Teeth. Eyes. Hair. Skin.'

'Well?' The Doctor asked. 'What now?'

Metal arms shot out of the bench she and Clara sat on, pinning down their torsos and clasping together at the front. Clara immediately began to wriggle. The Doctor, on the other hand, stayed completely still. After a pause, the bench rattled and started to sink into the ground.

'Nice touch.' The Doctor admired. 'Sturdy.'

'Don't compliment them!'

'Admit it. This is pretty nifty.'

Clara groaned. 'I really hope you know what you're doing.'

'Me too.' The Doctor said, and shot her a huge grin.


	8. Deep Breath: Part Eight

The bench jolted to a stop in a dark room with bronze walls, wires and pipes protruding in places and chains hanging from the ceiling.

The Doctor leaned forward in her seat. 'Compliments to the chef.' She called. 'This is definitely a unique dining experience.'

'This isn't a real restaurant, is it?'

'Depends on your definition. If you mean somewhere with a huge, ancient spaceship for a larder, then yes, this is a restaurant.'

'Larder? This is a larder?'

'Looks like it.'

'So why hasn't somebody come for us?'

'Well it's not like we're going anywhere.'

'What?'

'Why would we want to? We're not going to solve anything by running away.'

'So we're going to sit here and wait? That's your plan?'

'Of course not.' The Doctor said, fidgeting in her seat. 'I don't have a plan.'

'What are you doing?'

'My whatsit's in my pocket.'

'Your what?'

'My thingy. My, uh, doodah.'

A metal cylinder dropped out of the Doctor's inner pocket and onto the floor.

'Your sonic screwdriver, you mean.'

'That's what I said.' With her other foot, the Doctor pulled off her shoe and sock. She picked up her sonic screwdriver with her toes and lifted it into the air before realising she wouldn't be able to reach it. She looked at Clara imploringly.

'No.'

'It's the only way.'

Clara sighed. 'Fine.'

The Doctor held her foot up to Clara, who, rather reluctantly, plucked it from between her toes. She pressed the button and the metal arms retracted.

Clara jumped up, shaking herself off. She threw the device back to it's owner. 'You should make that thing voice-activated.'

The Doctor frowned at the screwdriver before saying, 'Sonic setting one.' The sonic lit up. The Doctor grinned at Clara with the green light on her face.

Clara sighed.

They both wandered over to the first alcove where man stood, unmoving. The Doctor went up on tiptoes and lifted her ear to his face.

'What are you doing?'

'He's not breathing.' She reached up and pulled his face. It came off in her hands. Her eyes widened. She threw it to Clara, who squealed and threw it back. The Doctor dropped it, disgusted.

The man - or rather, the thing, still stood. In the hole where his face had been was a metal frame with a small fire burning behind it.

'It's a robot. Oh, that's cool. That's very cool.'

'Stop complimenting them!'

'I can't help it. It's genius! Robots dressed in human skin. That's what they're doing; taking what they need and burning the evidence. That's clever, that is.'

The Doctor skipped over to the man sat in the centre of the room. It was now that Clara saw he only had half a face, the other side just an eyeball and clock-like mechanisms.

'So these guys killed the dinosaur, right?'

'Right. Dinosaurs have got to be one big goodie bag for organ harvesting robots.'

'Why would robots need organs? Burke and Hare from space?'

The Doctor grinned. 'I knew I liked you for a reason.'

A smile lit up Clara's face for a fleeting second. The Doctor didn't see it fall, too busy inspecting the man with the half-face sat before her.

'Looks like he's charging.'

'Are you sure he can't see us?'

'Well, if he could, he'd probably be trying to kill us. Unless this is another elaborate trap.' The Doctor let out a little nervous laugh.

'You're joking, right? That was a joke.'

'Of course it was.' The Doctor looked away, pulling a face.

'Okay. So half-man, half-robot. A cyborg, yeah?'

'Not quite. A little more than machine and less than man, I'm afraid. That's why they constantly need spare parts; the skin on them isn't alive, it's just a mask. It rots. Look -' She lifted his hands, displaying them to Clara. One of them was considerably larger than the other.

'They don't match.' Said Clara.

'Exactly. Every time something goes wrong, they replace it. Same with the machinery. These robots, they could have been around for thousands of years and they could just keep on going until the spares run out... It makes you wonder if any of the original is left.'

'That's so sad.' Clara whispered.

The Doctor looked over to her, her own smile wilting. 'Yes, I suppose it is.'

The robot's hands suddenly tightened on the Doctor's wrists.

'Oh dear.' The Doctor said. She tried pulling away, but the mismatched hands were clamped tight.

'What do I do?'

'Get the sonic and go.'

'If you think I'm going to leave then you know me even less than I thought you did.'

'I regenerate, you don't. Now get out of here.'

'No.'

'Clara, I'm not asking.'

'I won't lose you again, Doctor.'

The words died in the Doctor's mouth. Clara set her jaw, determined.

'Fine.' The Doctor said. 'Hide. Quick.'

Clara smiled, then rushed to the nearest empty alcove and posed like one of the robots.

The robot whirred to life, leaning forward in his chair. He inspected the Doctor's face, then looked past her.

The Doctor didn't dare move.

The robot released her, unplugged himself, and stood. 'Where is the other one? You will tell us, or you will be destroyed.'

A grin broke out on the Doctor's face. 'Oh, honey, you really don't have the hang of this. You're going to destroy me eventually. Why should I tell you anything?'

'You will tell us where the other one is.'

'I really won't.'

'You will be destroyed.'

'Have at it, then. I haven't got all day.'

The Doctor could almost see the robot processing the words. 'The information can be extracted by means of your suffering.'

'You could try it. You wouldn't get very far, but you can definitely have a pop. No, if you want to do the smart thing, you'd make a bargain. But don't worry - I'm cheap. And you're going to destroy me anyway, so what does it matter?'

'We will not negotiate.'

'And that is exactly the wrong answer. Well, unless you're suggesting we cut to the chase and you deactivate yourself.'

'We will not negotiate.'

'Thought not. Well, how about I do the threatening? You see, in my pocket, there's this cute little device that if I happened to aim it at your charger over there-' the Doctor pointed. '-this whole spaceship goes kablooey.'

Without warning, the robot seized the Doctor by the throat. He lifted her off the ground with one hand and she scrabbled at his grip.

'You will tell us where the other one is.'

Out of the corner of her eye, the Doctor saw Clara run out from her hiding place. She stood behind the half-face man, waving her hands.

The Doctor reached into her pocket and threw the sonic to her. Clara caught it, then aimed it at where the Doctor had pointed.

The half-face robot turned to face her.

'Let her go.' Clara demanded.

The robot turned back to the Doctor. He held her up for a second longer before releasing her.

The Doctor stumbled and gasped. 'Thanks dear.' She croaked.

'Why'd you kill the dinosaur?'

The robot turned to Clara. 'We will not answer questions.'

'You don't have a choice. Why'd you kill the dinosaur?'

'Within the optic nerve of the dinosaur is material of use to our computer systems.'

'You burned a whole dinosaur for a spare part? No. No, hang on. You know what's in a dinosaur's optic nerve, which means you've seen them before. How long have you been rebuilding yourselves? Look at the state of you. Is there any real you left? What's the point?'

'We will reach the promised land.'

'The what? The promised land? What's that?'

'Superstition.' The Doctor chimed in. 'A fairytale. It doesn't exist.'

'We will reach the promised land.'

The Doctor shook her head. 'Like talking to a brick wall. Never mind. How about a round of applause for our Clara, though, eh? That was brilliant. Did you see her? Wonderful, beautiful, impossible Clara. How would I live without you? How could I forget? Honestly, I could kiss you!' The Doctor suddenly remembered herself. She cleared her throat. 'You're alright, basically.'

'Why are you here?' The half-face robot asked.

The Doctor skipped over to Clara. 'To stop you, you silly goose.' To Clara, she whispered, 'Now might be a good time to call for back-up.'

'How did you know?'

'This is the same Vastra we're talking about, isn't it?'

Clara pressed the brooch pinned to her chest. It glowed blue, and she spoke into it the word she and the Great Detective had agreed on: 'Geronimo.'


	9. Deep Breath: Part Nine

Dark blurs descended from the ceiling by unrolling themselves from material that hung from above. Vastra and Jenny landed, clad in their leather battle outfits with swords on their backs. They both drew at the same time.

'Remain still, and lay down your weapons in the name of the British Empire.' Vastra ordered.

Somewhat less elegantly than his companions, Strax landed with a thud in a pile of material, a large gun in his hands.

'Strax!'

'Sorry.' Strax grunted.

'I've told you before.' Jenny moaned. 'Take the stairs.'

The Doctor grinned manically. 'It's sure nice of you to... _drop in.'_

Clara hung her head. 'Oh God no.'

The half-face robot was not so warm in his welcome. He removed one of his hands with the other, placing it on the collar of his coat and revealing the blowtorch protruding from his wrist. He marched toward Clara and the Doctor, who were forced to back away. 'I burned an ancient, beautiful creature for one inch of optic nerve. What do you think you can accomplish, little girl?'

The Doctor laughed. It was hard and humourless. 'Don't patronise me, sweetheart. You could be a million years old and you wouldn't have lived a single day of my life. I have seen stars wither and die. I have watched as galaxies collide and I have outlasted the entirety of my species. Besides, I have an angry lizard and her wife on my side. And their potato.'

The robot lunged his torch hand. Vastra intercepted the blow, blocking it with her sword. 'The establishment upstairs has been disabled with maximum prejudice, and the authorities summoned.'

Clara gripped the Doctor's arm, pulling her backward. 'Hang on, she called the police? We never do that. We should start.'

The Doctor looked over her shoulder at her companion. 'Yes, of course. What better way is there to teach aliens a lesson than shutting down their restaurant? Next time we'll just give them a bad review.'

Vastra continued to struggle with the robot, trying to push it back to no avail. The Doctor and Clara were rapidly running out of floor space.

'There is no next time.' The half-face robot intoned. 'You will be destroyed.'

Looking as agitated as a robot with half a face could, he made a gesture and Vastra finally managed to knock him back a step. The other robots lifted one arm simultaneously, and long, sharp blades shot out from their wrists. A back door opened to a bright hallway and even more began to flood in.

'Robots.' The Doctor muttered. 'Absolutely no sense of humour.'

'I can't help but notice that you're making things worse.' Clara hissed back.

'Nonesense. It's good to know your enemy's strengths and weaknesses.'

'Was that the plan?'

'More of a happy accident.' She looked to the half-face robot. 'What are you going to do after we're destroyed? Carry on? What's the point?'

'We will reach the promised land.'

'You see, that's where you're wrong. There is nothing here for you but more slaughter. Deactivate. _Now.'_

'We will not negotiate.' The robot pushed past Vastra and backhanded the Doctor. The impact knocked her of her feet.

'Doctor!' Clara called, rushing to her side.

The Doctor jumped back up. 'Where are you going? There's no where to run. This ship won't fly, it's a miracle it's even standing!'

The robot took his place on the bench at the base of the lift shaft. 'I will leave in the escape capsule. Destroy where necessary.'

'I'm telling you it won't work!' The Doctor bellowed.

'It has been repaired.'

'What with?' Vastra demanded.

Without moving his lips, the robot seemed to smile. _'You.'_

The other robots started to move forward.

'Defensive positions, everyone!' Called Strax. He, Vastra and Jenny surrounded the Doctor and Clara as the robots began to creep in.

The Doctor frowned. 'Repaired with us? That... That really doesn't make sense. Does that make sense to anyone else?'

'I think he meant people in general.' Clara replied.

'Well that's a bit pretentious for a robot, isn't it?'

The bench began to elevate slowly.

'Doctor!' Clara called. 'He's getting away!'

If the robot could have cackled, Clara felt he would have done. 'Even your foolish friend will know better than to follow me.'

The Doctor turned back to her companion. 'What have we learned today, Clara?'

'Er - robots aren't cool?'

'What? No. The lesson of the day is...' The Doctor ran over to the rising bench. She leapt up, caught a metal handle protruding from beneath and hung onto it as it ascended. 'Never underestimate my stupidity.'


	10. Deep Breath: Part Ten

'It ends here.'

The half-face robot turned to see the Doctor stood behind him. 'You cannot stop me.'

'I could.' The Doctor replied, her face grave. 'But I think it's time you stopped yourself.'

The robot returned to what he had been doing, pulling down one of the levers in a control panel. The room shook. Dust fell from the ceiling.

The Doctor stepped forward. 'You're lost, aren't you? Lost and alone.'

'I do not feel loneliness.'

'Don't you?'

The robot pulled another lever.

'This escape capsule you mentioned. It won't fly. And even if it does, what will you do? Where will you go?'

'I seek paradise.'

More dust fell and what sounded like thunder ripped through the air. The floor jolted.

The Doctor dropped to the ground, pressing an ear to the chequered tiles. If there was an engine, it was completely silent. 'How are you doing this? How is this possible?'

'Skin.' Was the robot's only reply.

The Doctor frowned and walked over to a window. She leaned out of it. Below, she could see the city of London, rapidly decreasing in size... and no engine. She looked up then, and saw the large, flesh coloured balloon growing out of the roof. The Doctor laughed. 'Oh, Jules Verne, you are in the wrong country.' She pulled herself back inside the room. 'That's clever. Disgusting, but clever.' Something suddenly dawned on her. She clicked her fingers. 'And slightly familiar. Really, this new head of mine. I'd forget it if it weren't screwed on.'

The robot payed no attention to the Doctor's babbling. 'How do you intend to stop me?'

The Doctor's smile faded again. 'You're old. Ridiculously old. Some of that metal in you, it's Roman, isn't it? Your ship crashed in the past, and now your only way home is to wait it out. I'd say home is, what, 51st century? That's a long time. That's a long, long time. How many people have you killed to last all these years? How many more will have to die? And what's the point? To carry on? You've gone through your fair share of lives, and you've stolen too many others. You must have realised by now that it's needless. There's no reason to go on other than that it's the only way you know. But there's another option; to stop, to stand still. To end as you should have, centuries ago.'

'It cannot end.'

'It can.' Completely sombre now, the Doctor walked over to the restaurant doors and opened them. 'As all things must.'

The robot considered this, then glowered. 'Self-destruction is against my basic programme.' Suddenly enraged, the robot hurtled towards the Doctor, blowtorch ablaze. The Doctor turned and ducked just in time, and the robot almost toppled out of the doorway.

'Then I'll just have to lend a hand.' Said the Doctor. She tried to knock him forward but he was too solid, and he grabbed her shoulder and dragged her back. She gripped onto the doorframe with one hand and attempted to use his own weight against himself by pushing his elbow backwards. He lowered the torch towards her face and she had to lift her other hand to wrestle it away. They struggled like that then, trying to overthrow each other.

Eventually, summoning all her strength, the Doctor managed to press the robot against the opposite doorframe. 'Listen. I'm giving you a choice. You can kill me and go on as before, fixing yourself because it's all you have, living without meaning or purpose. Today until eternity, tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Or...' The Doctor released him and took a step back. 'You can let go.'

The robot was silent, unmoving. Then, the blowtorch went out. He stepped toward the ledge, looking out over London. With his arms by his sides, he turned his back on the view and faced the Doctor. 'Self-destruction is against my basic programme.'

Understanding, the Doctor nodded. And then she pushed him.

The half-face robot let himself fall, dropping through the air like block of lead before being impaled on a spire.


	11. Deep Breath: Part Eleven

Clara rushed into the courtyard with a big smile on her face. When she caught sight of the Doctor, however, she stopped, turned her gallop into a stroll and pulled her lips into a pout.

The Doctor had been leaning on the Tardis doors. She straightened when she saw the petite brunette heading towards her, hands jammed in pockets like a school boy in trouble. She wore a baggy white shirt, stuffed into a pair of navy blue tapered trousers that came to a stop just short of her brown doc martens. Over her shoulders was an oversized camel coat. She pointed vaguely behind her. 'I was just wearing her in.'

Clara folded her arms. 'I knew that.'

'I thought you might think-'

'I didn't.'

'Good.' The Doctor nodded. 'Good.'

They both stood awkwardly, not quite looking at each other.

Clara gestured to her outfit. 'You changed.'

The Doctor looked down at herself as if noticing her appearance for the first time. 'Ah. Yes. What do you think? ...Cool?'

The ghost of a smile appeared on Clara's face. It died as fast as it grew. 'Are we going in?'

'Yes, of course. Let's.'

The Doctor swung the double doors open and bounded up to the control panel. It was a faded green colour now, with chrome buttons and levers, encircled by fold-down theatre seats attached to a railing. The floors were corrugated steel, and the walls were completely covered by red mahogany bookshelves. The room was lit by bare bulbs that hung from the ceiling like oversized fairy lights.

'You've remodeled.'

'The whatsit didn't go up and down. I tried to fix it.'

'The library's in the console room.'

'Not the whole library. Just a few favourites.'

Clara wandered further in. 'I don't like it.'

'I wasn't too keen at first either. I suppose we'll get used to it.' The Doctor suddenly turned away, busying herself with the control panel. 'Or not.'

The Tardis jolted. The engine thrummed.

'About that.'

The Doctor didn't dare look up. 'Oh?'

'I'm sorry.'

She hung her head. _Of course._

'I'm... I'm so, so sorry... but I don't think I know who you are any more.'

The Doctor forced a smile on her lips. 'I understand.'

The Tardis stopped.

'Am I home?'

'Christmas day, five minutes after you left. The, uh, third time, that is.'

Clara looked like she wanted to speak but no words to say. A simple 'goodbye' wouldn't be enough. It would be an anticlimax, an understatement. There was too much to be said and the wrong face to say it to.

A phone chimed. Clara made no move to answer it.

The Doctor tried to smile. 'You should probably get that. You've got a life to get back to.'

Clara nodded. She fished her mobile from her pocket and walked out of the Tardis doors.


	12. Deep Breath: Part Twelve

Clara stepped out into the cold night air. The Tardis had landed in the same spot as it had before, in the field beside her flat. It seemed wrong to be back where she started after all that had happened.

She pressed her phone to her ear. 'Hello-o.'

No answer. She knew someone was there, though. She could hear them breathing.

Clara frowned. '...Hello?'

'It's me.'

'Yes, it's you. Who is this?'

'It's me, Clara. The Doctor.'

'What do you mean, the Doctor?'

'I'm phoning you from Trenzalore...

'I don't...'

'...From before I changed.'

Clara's heart constricted. Her Doctor. The real Doctor.

'I mean it's all still to happen for me, it's coming. Oh, it's a-coming...' She could hear his smile, his soppy puppy dog eyes. 'Not long now. I can feel it.'

Clara clutched her chest, lips pressed together. It was if she was falling apart faster than she could catch the pieces. She took a shaky breath. 'Doctor, I... I need your help. Something went wrong... You - the Doctor, she... She forgot everything. I think she's better now but... She's different. I didn't know what to do. I... I don't know what I'm doing.'

'She?' He laughed weakly. 'About time, eh?'

'Doctor, please. Tell me what to do.'

She heard him take a ragged breath. 'Clara, my Clara. Whoever she is - however scared you might be - that person, she's the Doctor. And believe me, she's more scared than anything you can imagine right now. She needs you... The way I do - the way I did.' He laughed again, lower, softer. More broken. 'I need you, Clara. I need you to help her. Please. For me.'

Clara sniffed. 'I don't know how.'

'I have every faith that you'll work it out. I believe in you.'

He shouldn't. She didn't deserve his belief. 'Tell me what to do, Doctor. I don't know what to do.'

'Help her, Impossible Girl. And don't be afraid.'

She let the tears fall. She couldn't stop them. She had so much to tell him. She needed more time. She needed him.

'Goodbye, Clara... Miss ya.'

_...Click._ Gone.

She turned, slowly, and looked back inside the Tardis. The Doctor was watching her.

_Help her. She needs you._

Clara looked down at her phone. She needed the Doctor.

_She's the Doctor._

'Are you alright?' The Doctor called. She walked towards her and out of the Tardis.

Clara wiped her eyes. 'I guess you heard all that.'

'Well, technically I rang you.' The Doctor stood up close, not looking away now. 'You see, that was me speaking on the phone, and it's still me stood in front of you. I'm here right now, living and breathing and every bit as pretty.' The Doctor reached out and took Clara's hand as she spoke, lifting it to her face.

Clara let it rest there and inspected her features. The Doctor's new face was quite sharp, almost impish in looks. There was something youthful and mischievous about it despite being more matured than it's predecessor; her lips were thin, but her eyes twinkled.

Clara nodded, lowered her hand and smiled. 'Thank you.'

'For what?'

'Phoning.' And then she went up on tiptoe and hugged her.

After a second, the Doctor hugged back, patting her shoulder a little awkwardly. 'This height difference thing. This'll take some getting used to.'

'Yepp.'

'Are you as uncomfortable as I am?'

'God yes.' Clara released her. 'And... yes.'

'Yes?'

'Yes, I'll help you.'

A smile twitched at the Doctor's lips as she struggled for something to say. She cleared her throat. 'Thank you. That's... very appreciated.'

Clara grinned and slipped her arm through the Doctor's. 'Come on. I've probably got some turkey left over.'

The Doctor hesitated. 'The last time your family saw me, I was naked.'

'You were also a man.' Clara said, tugging her along. 'Besides, I wouldn't worry about that. Your calculations were off.'

'Sorry?'

'It's a bit dark, don't you think?'

'Oh. _Ohh_.'

'Yeah.'

'Five _hours._ It's five _hours_ later.'

'And twelve missed calls.'

'Oh dear.'

'That about sums it up.'


	13. Robot Of Sherwood: Part One

Clara woke to ringing.

Eyes still closed, she rolled over and slammed her fist down on her alarm clock. The ringing didn't stop. Her hand searched for whatever the source was, but found nothing. She groaned and gave in, dragging herself upright.

Her phone was vibrating it's way along her bedside table. Clara glared at it for a while before answering. It was 7 AM. Who rang someone at 7 AM?

'_Good morning, Starshiiiine. The earth says 'Helloooooo'_.'

Clara couldn't help but smile. 'You're ridiculous.'

'Nonsense. I'm suave.' On the other end of the line, the Doctor put on a well-practised Sean Connery accent. 'Shaken, not stirred.'

'You're ridiculous.'

'A little bit.'

Clara hopped out of bed. 'So? What's the agenda for today?'

'How do you feel about an adventure?'

Clara grinned, opening her wardrobe and examining the contents. 'What kind?'

'Oh, you know. Chivalry. Derring-do. The odd pun thrown in.'

Clara ran a hand through her clothes. Flirty dress? Casual jeans? Jumpsuit? 'Leave out the puns and we have a deal.'

'Never. Puns or nothing.'

'I guess it's over, then.' Clara deadpanned.

'Looks like.' Replied the Doctor, equally as sombre.

'What a shame.'

'Tragic, really.'

Clara couldn't suppress her smile any longer and let it bob back into place. 'So where are we going?'

'Boldly, where no man has before.'

'Nerd.'

'I prefer 'cultured'. Are you ready to go?'

'Of course.' Clara lied, hastily yanking a skirt and blouse from their hangers.

'Good. I'm in your living room.'

'What?' Clara hurried over to the door and yanked it open.

The Tardis was parked in the middle of her flat, the light almost scraping the ceiling.

The doors opened and the Doctor appeared with a drinks tray and a paper bag. She saw Clara's pyjamas and folded her arms as best as she could. 'You little liar.'

'In my defence, you were five hours late last time.'

'Still stuck on that, are we?'

'It was three days ago!'

'For you, maybe. The Tardis rearranged herself and I had to find everything again. I tell you, I have never appreciated a bathroom more in all my lives.' The Doctor passed Clara the paper bag. 'Belgian waffles, with love from Bruges.' She held out the cardboard tray and Clara took one of the steaming paper cups. 'And coffee fresh off the streets of New York.'

'What's this for?'

'Breakfast.' The Doctor turned and bounded back into the Tardis.

Clara rolled her eyes and followed. 'There's food in my flat, you know.'

'Well, if you don't want it-'

Clara hugged the bag. 'I never said that.'

The Doctor grinned and started fiddling with the console. 'So. Any requests?'

'You mean I can choose?'

'Unless your idea is terrible, then yes.'

'Well, there is this one thing...'

'Go on.'

'It's something I've always wanted to see, ever since I was little.'

'And that is?'

'Nottingham.'

The Doctor stopped what she was doing, a concerned look on her face. 'Clara, honey, do try to remember that this is a time-travelling spaceship.'

Clara didn't waver. 'Nottingham, Sherwood Forest.'

A smile quirked at the Doctor's lips. 'Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?'

Clara leaned forward, a triumphant grin on her face. 'Show me some men in tights.'


	14. Robot Of Sherwood: Part Two

Clara loved the Tardis wardrobe. She could have spent hours in there, just browsing. She wondered who had worn what, and when, and where were they now? Had they even been born yet? Were they already dead? Some of the clothes seemed to be on display, lovingly replaced as if awaiting patiently for the wearer to return. A pink frock. A black, beaded dress. Some lay on the floor, neglected, like someone had ripped them off never wanting to see them again. A plain maid outfit. A purple toga. She couldn't help but notice that a bunch of miniskirts and colourful tights had been set aside, strewn over a handrail. Somehow, Clara doubted they were the Doctor's.

She eventually decided to swap her vest top and flannel bottoms for a red dress with billowing sleeves, a silver circlet carefully positioned across her forehead. She beamed at herself in the mirror, then rushed through the Tardis corridors and back to the console room. 'What do you reckon? Too much?' She gave the Doctor a quick twirl.

'No such thing.' The Doctor held her arm out, and Clara took it, smiling. 'Ready?'

'As always.'

They strode out of the Tardis and into the warmth of a golden afternoon. The forest was all greens and yellows, framed by a bright sky over the sun dappled canopy. A river rushed by, and a small bridge reached across it.

'It's like a fairytale.' Clara breathed.

'Well, I wouldn't set your hopes too high. I didn't have anything exact to go off, so it's more or less a big game of Where's Robin.'

Suddenly, an arrow thudded into the Tardis beside the Doctor's arm. She stared at it, eyes wide and brows arched into a scowl. Clara could almost see the steam rising from her.

A figure popped up from behind a fallen tree across the water, mustachioed and clad in green. 'You called?'

'Is that...?' Clara's grip tightened on the Doctor's arm. 'It is, isn't it? Oh, my God. That's him.'

The Doctor stumbled over to the Tardis, pointing incredulously at the arrow that was wedged in the blue wood. 'My Tardis. He shot my Tardis!' The Doctor yanked the arrow free and thundered toward the man in green. She thrust the blunt side under his chin. 'You shot my Tardis.'

The man didn't flinch, chin in the air and smirk on his face. 'Worry not, sir, for I will be relieving you of it shortly.'

The Doctor's eye twitched. 'Sir? _Sir?_ I'll sir you in a minute, you little-'

'Doctor!' Clara rushed over and pulled the Doctor backward. She smiled apologetically at the green-clothed man. 'What my friend means to say is that she'd appreciate it if you didn't... you know. Shoot the box.'

The man turned to Clara, his features changing. 'And who might you be?'

Clara grinned. Her cheeks were pink. 'Clara. Clara Oswald.' She stuck out her hand.

The man took it dropped a kiss on her knuckles. 'And what a pleasure it is to meet you, my lady.' He bowed. 'Robin Hood, at your service.'

Clara giggled. 'You're him. You're really actually him. The legendary outlaw. Prince of thieves.'

'You've heard of me?'

'Who hasn't? My mum used to tell me stories about you every night.'

'I bet they put you right to sleep.' The Doctor muttered.

Clara elbowed her. 'So are you out here alone, or...?'

'My men await me. They would be honoured to meet you, I'm sure.'

The Doctor pulled Clara's arm. 'Well, that's an awfully nice offer, Mr. Hood, but we really must be off. Mustn't we, Clara?'

Clara didn't move. 'Oh, I think we could squeeze it in.'

'We don't have the time.'

'We can make time, can't we Doctor?'

'I don't think we can.'

'If you're so desperate to leave, good Doctor, maybe you should.' Robin chimed in.

'See? Even he agrees with me.'

'And I shall escort Clara. She can spend some time with my men and I.' He looked pointedly at the Doctor. 'What could possibly go wrong?'

* * *

><p>'What is wrong with you?' Clara hissed. They were following Robin through the forest, a couple of steps behind.<p>

'I don't know what you mean. I was trying to do you a favour.'

'And how, exactly, did you come to that conclusion?'

'You don't want to hang around with him, do you? He looks like he's about to drop down on one knee and propose to himself.'

'Yeah, and I've never met someone like that before.' Clara shot back.

'Now I definitely don't know what you mean.'

Ahead of them, Robin stopped. 'We're here.' He whispered, once they reached him.

They looked out over a small cliff, into the grassy ravine below. A few caves opened in the foot of the opposite hill and tall trees surrounded the area, shrouding it from the gaze of travellers. It was dotted with patches wildflowers.

'It's beautiful.' Clara remarked.

Robin put a finger to his lips. He listened to the forest for a short time before cupping his hands around his mouth and crowing like a bird.

After a second or two, there was an equally realistic reply.

Robin smiled. 'Come on.'

He lead them down into the clearing as men filtered out of the caves, talking and laughing. He introced the men to Clara one by one; Will Scarlet, the swordsman with a 'slippery tongue', Friar Tuck, a large man with a round circumference, Alan-a-dale, the lute-player who brightened 'these dark days', and Little John, a small, bearded man. The Doctor stood aside through all of it, rolling her eyes.

'What's up with you?' Clara asked. 'I thought this would be right up your street.'

'I like to think my street is slightly less pompous than this.'

Clara smiled. 'Not much.'

'I did say slightly.' The Doctor folded her arms. 'Besides, I doubt very much that Robin Hood's life is even half as exciting as the stories make it out to be.'

Robin, stood before his men, spoke up to make an announcement. 'The Sheriff has issued a proclamation. Tomorrow, there is to be a contest to find the best archer in the land.' He smiled as he talked, eyes twinkling mischievously 'And the bounty, it's an arrow made of pure gold.'

'No!' Clara exclaimed. 'Don't, don't go. It's a trap.'

Robin guffawed. 'Well, of course it is! But a contest to find the best archer in the land? There is no contest.' The men all laughed along with him, heartily and loud.

Clara turned back and grinned at the Doctor. 'You were saying?'


	15. Robot Of Sherwood: Part Three

They slept under the stars. Or, at least, Clara did.

The evening had began with them sat around a campfire, eating food cooked by the friar and listening to the soft strumming of a lute. Robin recounted his adventures to Clara with the occasional input and laughter of his men. Clara seemed to glow with happiness. Her face lit up, her eyes bright and her lips curved into an unwavering smile.

One by one the men left for the night, returning to their cave. Robin, of course, was last. He wished Clara goodnight in the most poetic way possible, and kissed her hand again. Again, Clara giggled, blushing.

The Doctor had been silent through most of the night, laying across a fallen tree with her hands tucked behind her head. Sometimes she watched the stars. Sometimes she just pretended to.

Clara wandered over and sat down beside her. 'You alright?'

'Just doing a spot of stargazing.' She pointed at a cluster of stars. 'We've been there, you and me. Not _me_ me, obviously. Not that it needed clarifying.'

'You're babbling.'

'I think it's a new habit.'

'It's not all that new.'

The Doctor chuckled. 'No, I dare say it isn't.'

After a pause, Clara spoke again. 'You didn't answer my question.'

'I was rather hoping you wouldn't notice.'

'Well that's just too bad. Because you've got me, and as long as I'm here I'll always notice.'

The Doctor twisted her head to look at Clara. 'You're too good to me, Clara Oswald.'

Clara smiled down at her. 'I always thought so.'

After a few seconds of silence, the Doctor pulled herself upright, continuing to watch the skies. 'Would you like me to change back?' The words were spoken casually, but Clara could hear the weight in them.

'Is that what's bothering you?'

'It's not a wholly unjustified notion.'

'Well, I... I don't know.'

The Doctor looked at her then, a smile on her face. 'I appreciate your honesty.'

'I'm sorry I couldn't give you a better answer. I just...'

'It's alright.'

Clara pursed her lips and looked away. 'I should probably get some sleep.'

'Of course. Big day tomorrow.'

'Goodnight, Doctor.'

'Goodnight.'

Clara woke the next day wrapped in the Doctor's coat.


	16. Robot Of Sherwood: Part Four

They stood in a green courtyard within the castle walls. The contestants had been whittled down to two; Robin, or 'Tom the Tinker', as he had named himself, and the Sheriff. The Sheriff wasn't how Clara had imagined him - she had seen someone older, greyer, perhaps taller. Not the short, bearded man who sat before them, clothed in black. He sent a shiver down her spine all the same.

'Take your places.' The herald ordered.

Robin, cleverly disguised by an old hat that obscured nothing but his perhaps eyebrows, stepped up to the mark, followed by the Sheriff.

'Shall we make the contest a little more interesting, my Lord?' Robin asked, his voice like honey. 'The targets seem a little close. What say you? Another twenty paces?'

'Why not?' Was the Sheriff's breezy reply.

Men appeared and moved the targets further from where they both stood.

'I can practically hear the wedding bells.' The Doctor muttered to Clara. 'I, Robin Hood, take thee, Robin Hood.'

Clara shushed her.

The Sheriff drew his bow, aimed, and shot. The arrow landed in right in the middle of the target. He turned to Robin triumphantly. 'Now, Tinker. Let us see thy true face.'

Robin stepped forward, readied his bow and - split the Sheriff's arrow. The crowd cheered.

'Ye Gads! He has split the arrow!' Called the herald, rather unnecessarily. 'Truly, he is the finest archer in all England. Come forward, Tinker. And claim your prize.' He bestowed upon Robin the golden arrow.

Robin bowed. 'Why, thank you sheriff, for this most gracious prize.'

The Doctor rolled her eyes. 'Robin and Robin, sitting in a tree-'

'But I cannot accept it. For I, Robin Hood,' Robin threw his hat to the ground, much to the delight of the crowd. 'Do not accept gifts from tyrants such as thyself.'

'-K-I-S-S-I-N-G.'

'Seize him!' The Sheriff cried.

Three knights surged forward, drawing swords. Robin threw his head back and laughed, drawing his own.

The Doctor turned to Clara. 'Do you think we should lend him...'

She was gone. The Doctor spun around, and just caught sight of her trying to lifting a large halberd off the weapon rack.

'...A hand.' Finished the Doctor, rather lamely. She dodged her way through the crowds to Clara's side. 'I like your style, dear, but my hearts would really prefer you to set it down.'

'I'm fine. I take Year Seven for after school Tae Kwon Do.'

Somehow, this didn't quite reassure the Doctor.

'Don't worry, ladies.' Robin called. 'I'll take care of this.' (While the Doctor's eyeballs rolled back into her skull) he swung his sword and sliced the knight's arm clean off. It sparked, the mechanical parts showing.

The Doctor stared at it, then back at the now one-armed body. 'Robots? Again?'

The knight's visors slid open to reveal more metal with a cross-shaped slot for a face, which began to glow with purple light.

'Oh dear.'

The Sheriff barked orders over the din. 'Take them. Kill the rest. Kill them all!'

The light shot from the robots and hit members of the crowd who, in response, burst into ashes.

'Very oh dear. Quick - drop your sword.'

'What?'

'Just do it, you gherkin!'

Robin threw down his blade.

'We surrender!' The Doctor snatched his and Clara's hands and held them up.

'I had them on the run!' Robin protested.

'Like my elbow you did.'

Robin turned to his men. 'Flee, lads, flee! Live to fight another day!'

His men, rather reluctantly, turned their heels and fled.

'To the dungeons with all of them.' Spat the Sheriff.

Clara looked up at the Doctor. 'What are you up to?'

The Doctor grinned. 'Improvising.'


	17. Robot Of Sherwood: Part Five

'Robot knights.' The Doctor said, cheerfully. 'Raise your hand if you saw that one coming.'

Clara positively glared at her.

They sat on the cold, stone floor of a cell, chained together in a row, their bonds threaded through metal hoops in the ground. The only light in the room came in through a cross-shaped arrowslit in the wall.

'Trussed up like turkey-cocks, thanks to you.'

The Doctor seemed unfazed. 'It was a tactical manoeuvre.'

'You have a plan?' Clara said it more in disbelief than in hope.

'It's more of a roll with the punches kind of thing.'

Clara sighed. 'Robin? Any ideas?'

'Of course.' He scoffed.

'Well?'

He shifted uncomfortablely. 'I am biding my time.'

Clara sighed again, deeper than the last. 'Wonderful.'

'Now now, dear. Don't get snippy.' The Doctor chastised.

'I'm not snippy.'

'You're a little snippy.'

'I am not snippy!' Clara snapped.

Robin and the Doctor exchanged a look.

'Okay, maybe I am a little snippy! But look at you two! Robin Hood, sulking like a teenager!'

'I had the situation well in hand.'

'Shut up!'

The Doctor snickered.

Clara turned to her. 'And you!'

'Me?'

'Yes! You!'

'What have I done?'

'Nothing! Absolutely nothing! For the first half-hour, all you did was sing show tunes!'

'I was lightening the mood.'

'With Les Miserables?'

The cell door clicked open, and in hobbled a guard. He grinned a rotten, tooth-less grin. 'Thought you had us tricked, didn't you?'

Clara looked at the Doctor. The Doctor looked at Robin. Robin looked back at them both, equally perplexed.

The Doctor turned back to the guard with an eyebrow raised. 'Sorry?'

'You can drop your foolish act. I've been listening in.'

They stared at him blankly.

'I know your secret.'

The Doctor glanced at her companions for some kind of revelation, but they seemed just as clueless as she felt. 'Oh?'

The guard leered over the three of them smugly. 'The Sheriff himself commanded me to find out which of you is the true ringleader.'

'Ohh. _That_ secret. Of course. Silly us.' The Doctor struggled with the chains around her wrist. 'Well, come on then. Take me to your leader.'

'No, take _me.'_ Robin argued. He shot the Doctor a look. 'He will get nothing from _me.'_

'Yes, because you'll be here, and he won't be listening.' The Doctor retorted.

The guard walked straight past them both and freed Clara.

Clara sighed once more. 'Seriously?'

The guard ushered her out of the room, and Robin called after him until even after he had left.

'Well.' The Doctor said, eyebrows still halfway up her forehead. 'Raise your hand if you saw _that_ one coming.'


	18. Robot Of Sherwood: Part Six

'Complain.'

'I intend to.'

'No. Beat your breast. Moan. Groan as though twenty devils possessed your guts.'

'If you'd like to exchange King Kong impressions-'

'So as to attract the attention of that gargoyle-faced guard.'

'Ah. I see. No.'

'Why not?'

'Why should I?'

'Because you're more advanced in years...'

The Doctor raised her eyebrows and nodded, _fair enough._

'...And...'

_'And?'_

'You know.'

'I do not.'

'You have a... slight disadvantage.'

The Doctor's eyebrows arched, suddenly glacial. 'And what, pray tell, would that be?'

Robin sighed. 'Fine. If you want something doing.' He let out a loud moan before speaking again in lower register. 'Can I rely upon you to do the rest?'

'Of course.'

The guard's mouth appeared behind the grill in the door. 'What is this din?'

The Doctor leaned forward, frowning. 'Pardon?'

'What ails him?'

The Doctor shook her head. 'It's no use. I can't hear you.'

The door swung open and the guard entered. 'I said, what ails him?'

'Oh, him? I don't think he's doing so good.'

The guard began to walk away. 'Let him die. It will save us the trouble of executing him.'

'But what of the reward?'

He stopped. 'Reward?'

'Oh dear. Probably shouldn't have said that.'

'Tell me!'

The Doctor's face was the picture of innocence. 'The reward? Surely you've heard about the reward.'

The man turned back to them, interest piqued.

'The reward from Prince John? No? He's offered a bounty for our Mr. Hood here...You know, legendary outlaw? Prince of thieves? ...Do you live under a rock?'

'This bounty. How big?'

'Huge.'

The guard considered it, then sneered. 'Then I shall present his rotting corpse.'

'But what of his merry men?'

'His what?'

The Doctor sighed. 'You really must live under a rock. His merry men, dear. How will Prince John draw them out if you kill him before he tells where they're hidden?'

Robin began to mutter something under his breath.

'What's that?' The guard moved forward. 'Say it again.'

'Come closer.' Robin rasped.

The guard complied, leaning closer and closer until their faces were just inches apart.

Robin broke character. 'Your breath stinks like a serpent, has anyone ever told you that?'

Before the guard had time to even register the words, Robin launched his forehead into his. There was the soft snap of a broken nose and the guard dropped to the ground.

'Keys.'

'I'll get them.'

'I'm not arguing, dear.'

Robin dragged the keys back wit his foot before snatching them up. 'Aha!'

The Doctor rolled her eyes.

* * *

><p>They filed out into the corridor; the Doctor first, followed by Robin. They had eventually decided, after some bickering, to lock the guard in their place and drop the keys down a drain.<p>

'Now what?' Robin asked.

'We look for Clara.'

'I knew _that_. I meant which way.'

They both looked about themselves.

'We could split up.' Robin suggested, peering down the corridor.

The Doctor scoffed. 'Oh, sure. Let's. Absolutely nothing could go wrong with that plan. Honestly, have you never seen Scooby Doo?'

Robin frowned.

'Moving swiftly on...'


	19. Robot Of Sherwood: Part Seven

'We are lost.'

'We're not lost. 'Lost' implies we went off course. We don't have a...' The Doctor stopped walking. She had arrived in a long, metal room. Everything was harsh lights and silver-grey, sparse in comfort and character. There was a console on the far side, and a glowing dome with smoke rising from it. '...course.'

_Spaceship._ There was no denying it - there was a twenty-ninth century spaceship in the middle of Nottingham Castle.

'I knew we should have taken the last left.' Robin, still looking back, careered straight into the Doctor. He blinked, staring at the strange interior. 'What is this place?'

The Doctor spun around. 'Nothing. Nothing to see here. Come on. Chop chop.' She tried to push him back through the metallic doorway, but he slid past her.

'This is madness. This... this shouldn't be.'

'Yes, it is a little odd, isn't it? Can't say I rate the decor. Let's go.'

Robin was undeterred. 'Is this your world, Doctor?'

'Sorry?'

Robin turned back to her. 'You're different. More than different. You're something else, something... alien.'

The Doctor didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. Instead, she set her jaw and wandered over to the console. She fiddled with it slightly, and the screen changed to show what she had been looking for: the destination. Or, at least, the intended one. 'The promised land.' She read aloud.

'I beg pardon?'

The Doctor looked down at the ship's controls. It was always easier looking away. 'I'm not of this world, no. Or yours. Or even my own. I... I pass through places.'

'And Clara?'

'She comes with me. Sometimes. I don't like to be alone.'

'She's not like you.'

'No. No, she isn't.' _Thank the stars._ The Doctor fiddled with the controls some more. She watched the screen as it showed the spaceship land, blending in with the rest of the castle. She scanned further. 'The engines are damaged.'

Robin hadn't finished. 'Why are your eyes so sad, Doctor? They seem older than the rest of your face.'

The Doctor swallowed. 'You're very perceptive. And annoying. In fact, you're far more annoying. Stop talking, it's think time. Feel free to plait your hair or whatever.'

Suddenly, the metal doors blew inwards. In walked the Sheriff and Clara, surrounded by the robot knights.

'Surrender, outlaw.'

'Oh, splendid.' The Doctor said, rolling her eyes.

'Kill him. Kill Robin Hood.'

The Doctor pushed up her sleeves and stood between Robin and the robots. 'A fair word of warning, boys. I'm really not in the mood.'

A laser blast opened a jagged hole in the wall and knocked both Robin and the Doctor of their feet. Clara rushed to their defence, throwing her arms out as if to shield them. Once he had recovered, Robin slipped his hands around her waist and they pulled her backward, toward the newly-made window.

'What are you doing?'

'Surviving.' Robin replied.

Realisation dawned on Clara's face and she began to protest, but it was too late - he leaned back and fell through the open space behind him, dragging Clara down with him.

'Clara!' The Doctor ran over to the hole, hearts pumping, legs like lead. Not again. Not again.

It was night, and all the Doctor could make out was the rippled reflection of the moon in the water below. Nothing stirred.

The Sheriff joined her at the window. 'Yeah, sorry about the girl. Such a pretty thing. What a queen she would have made.'

The Doctor turned back to the Sheriff, ill-contained anger clear on her face. 'If she is hurt, little man, I will end you.'

The Sheriff smiled, bemused. 'Is that a promise?'

'You and your silly robots and your broken ship. I'm going to stop them anyway. But you, sir, _you_ - I will show no mercy. That is a promise.'

The Sheriff just laughed. 'Oh, you.'

And then something hard collided with the back of the Doctor's head and everything went black.


	20. Robot Of Sherwood: Part Eight

_'ENGINE CAPACITY AT FORTY-EIGHT PERCENT_.'

The Doctor woke in a dark room, her head resting on a hessian sack. Her hands were in chains . Again. She sat upright, and the heat hit her face immediately. What was that smell? Something metallic. She took a deep sniff.

'Gold?' The Doctor frowned.

Two robot knights marched past carrying a large, golden piece of circuitry.

'The engines.' She thought aloud. Her face fell as realisation dawned. 'It won't work. It won't work! You have to listen to me! You won't reach orbit!'

The knights payed no attention and continued to walk past.

'Listen to me, this ship is a time-bomb! It'll take out half the country! You have to listen!'

She was shackled to the wall this time, and she strained away from it to get a better view of the room. That's when she saw her; a young woman crouched in a nearby corner. She watched the Doctor warily, her eyes pleading.

The Doctor scanned the area. Once she was sure there was no one looking, she waved the woman over. She seemed reluctant at first, but soon hurried across. The Doctor didn't blame her. She attempted a reassuring smile. 'Are you alright?'

The woman nodded.

'That makes you braver than me, then. I'm terrified.' There was a slight laugh in the Doctor's voice, a spark in her eyes.

The woman cracked a smile. _That was better._

'But it's okay.' She lowered her voice. 'See, I'm going to get us out of here.'

The woman was suddenly panicked. 'No, you can't! You'll be killed! Those beasts, I've seen them turn a man to ash for stepping out of line!'

'One man on his own. No, I'm talking about everyone. If we all stood up to them, I'm sure we could break free.'

'These people - they're weak. They are ill and tired and hungry.'

'Trust me. If we don't do something now, the consequences will be catastrophic.'

The woman set her jaw, determined. 'What's your idea?'

The Doctor smiled. 'We need to cause a ruckus. Everyone, all at once. You see, I reckon that this gold here will reflect the beasts' light beams. All I need is someone to relay the message. Could you do that for me?'

* * *

><p>A robot knight loomed over the Doctor and the woman. 'YOU ARE FIT FOR LABOUR. STAND ASIDE WHILE THIS PEASANT UNIT IS FREED.'<p>

The woman looked to the Doctor for confirmation before moving away.

'RAISE YOUR HANDS.'

As if performing a magic trick, the Doctor displayed one hand - loose, chain-free - and then the other - armed with a gold plate. Before the robot could react, she swung the plate into it's face with all her might.

The plate dented. The robot did not.

'Oh dear.'

The robot's face began to glow with violet light, and the Doctor dodged just in time. The wall behind her crumbled. The robot shot at her again, and this time, the Doctor raised her plate as a shield. The laser hit the dent, and shot toward the woman, who quickly lifted her own plate. It bounced off it and reflected back at the robot, which promptly exploded.

The Doctor fist pumped the air overenthusiastically. 'Back of the net!'

The woman laughed, giving her a funny look.

The Doctor cleared her throat. 'I mean, well done. Jolly good.'


	21. Robot Of Sherwood: Part Nine

More knights flooded into the room, but to no avail - the prisoners were armed with gold, and while some of them were still shot down, so were the robots. There was screaming, and it stank of smoke and sweat and fear - but they were winning.

Finally, the robots were all defeated but one, stood in the centre of a sea of gold. The cross on it's face began to fill with purple light.

'Prepare yourselves!' Called the Doctor.

A laser beam hit one plate, then bounced to another, and another, before hitting the target square on.

The crowd erupted into applause, cheering and whooping as the robot burst into flame and black smoke.

The Doctor grinned. 'I think it's about time we all went home. Come on!'

The woman appeared at her side as the crowds surged past. 'You saved us all, my lady.' She curtsied. 'Thank you.'

'No, thank _you.'_ The Doctor stuck out her hand, wiggling her fingers. Hesitantly, the woman took it. They shook once - it was more of a squeeze than a handshake - and parted. The Doctor watched her leave. Something still niggled at the back of her mind, telling her to stay, that her job wasn't quite done.

_'ENGINE CAPACITY AT EIGHTY-TWO PERCENT.'_

The Doctor spun to see the Sheriff slowly make his way down the steps toward her, guarded by another two robots. She sighed. 'Oh, just give up already.'

'The battle isn't over, Doctor. Where is your fighting talk now?'

'I've foiled your plan. Your ship is still broken and your robots defeated. It's over, Sheriff. Admit it.'

'Not yet. Not while I still stand.'

'It won't fly. You'll explode and take half of England with you, maybe even a bit of Scotland - and, let's be honest, relations are rocky enough as it is.'

'Liar! From my sky vessel, I shall rule omnipotent.'

'And I thought I was stupid. Look, Sheriff. Can I call you Sher? No? Alright. Look, Sher; you are one silly little man. Are you so blind to think these automatons care for riches or power?'

The Sheriff had picked a knight's head from the the ground as the Doctor spoke, and now threw it into the crucible for melting. 'All the more for me.'

The Doctor sighed. 'Aren't you listening? They don't care about your little scheme. They don't care full stop. They have one purpose, one order to follow - repair the ship. That's all they're doing. They're not even doing it well. This ship sets off and boom! Gone. But we can end this. There's still time.'

'I am their leader. They do as I command.'

'Well I am the Doctor, and I will do everything I can to stop you.'

'And I,' Came the jubilant cry from above. 'Am Robin Hood!'

He stood on the balcony, head held high, Lincoln green and all. Clara appeared at his side.

'Clara.' She waved. 'Hiya!'

Robin stuck his knife into a wall hanging and they descended as the fabric tore, his arm wrapped around Clara's waist.

'My men have taken the castle.' Announced Robin once they had landed. 'Now I'm going to take you.'

The Sheriff smirked. 'This one's all mine.' His hand reached up to the large medallion that hung around his neck. He pressed it, and his robot guards deactivated. 'What do you say, outlaw? A final reckoning?'

Robin seemed thrilled. 'Oh, yes.'

The two men drew their swords.

'I thought you were dead.' The Doctor whispered to Clara.

'Did you?'

'No. But I worried.'

'Me too.'

'Hug?'

'Hug.'

It didn't last long. They pulled apart, equally uncomfortable.

'Still weird.'

'So weird.'

The Sheriff and Robin clashed swords, their movements fast and agile. As talented as he was, Robin seemed to struggle to keep up.

'Doctor.' Clara whispered.

'Yes, dear?'

'This place is about to blow up, right?'

'Yepp.'

'Just checking.'

Back in the sword fight, the two men bickered as they exchanged blows.

'I'll have you boiled in oil at the castle by sunset.' The Sheriff sneered.

'Can we make it a little earlier? 'Cos that's a little past my bedtime.' Robin cut a through a thick rope that hung from the ceiling. With his other hand he held on, and it yanked him off the ground. He landed on a cross-beam high in the air.

'I'm too much for you, outlaw. The first of a new breed; half man, half engine.' The Sheriff sliced another rope, and met Robin up on the beam. 'Never ageing, never tiring.'

'Are you still talking?'

The sheriff finally managed to cut Robin's arm. He dropped his sword.

'Doctor!' Clara hissed. 'Do something!'

'This is something he has to do for himself.'

'No it's not!' Came Robin's strangled reply.

'My mistake.' The Doctor ran over to the sword, skidding to a halt. She flicked the blade off the ground with her foot, caught the handle, and launched it as high as she could.

Robin caught it just in time to block the Sheriff's blow.

'That's cheating!' The Sheriff exclaimed.

'I'm an outlaw.' Retorted Robin, striking him back. 'What did you expect?'

The Sheriff wobbled, front and back, arms reeling. He just about regained balance when Robin caught his tunic.

'Surrender?'

'Never!'

After a second's hesitation, Robin released his grip.

The sheriff tumbled and fell down, down through the air and into the bubbling vat of gold.


	22. Robot Of Sherwood: Part Ten

They ran out into the forest joined by Robin's men, the ground beneath them shaking as the castle crumbled. There was a sound like thunder crashing continuously, and they all turned to see the spaceship rise from the ruins the great stone fortress.

'It's not going to make it.' The Doctor said. 'They don't have enough power.'

'So what do we do?'

The Doctor looked at Clara. She was always so sure of her, so certain she had the answers. There was an unwavering faith in those large brown eyes that the Doctor couldn't bare to let down._ Think. Think. Think._

She snapped her fingers. 'We need gold. Something aerodynamic, lightweight. About so big. Something...'

Friar Tuck held the golden arrow out under the Doctor's nose. '...Exactly like that.' She plucked it from his hand. 'That- That was a test. I was testing you. I had a plan all along, of course.'

Clara rolled her eyes.

The Doctor turned back to the friar. 'I don't suppose you have...' Tuck passed her a bow. She held it out to the man in Lincoln green. 'Robin?'

'I can't. My arm is injured.'

The Doctor stretched the bow a couple of times, testing the flexibility - it pinged out of her hands, and, somehow, also smacked her in the face.

Clara sighed. 'Some things never change.' She picked the bow off the floor, accidentally aiming at Robin in her struggle to keep the arrow in place.

'Easy!' He yelped.

'Sorry!'

Robin pushed the bow to face downward. 'My friends. Surely we can manage it together?'

* * *

><p>They rearranged themselves a couple of times before settling on a position - Clara and the Doctor holding either side of the bow and Robin in the middle, bracing it with his feet. They aimed and fired.<p>

The arrow spun through the air and disappeared. For a dreadful second, Clara was certain they had missed. She held her breath.

And then the ship blasted upward, fire bursting from it's exhaust. Just seconds later, it exploded.

They cheered. Alan burst into song. The Doctor lay back in the dirt, eyes closed, and exhaled with relief. Clara laughed. Robin laughed. Without even realising it, the Doctor joined in.

* * *

><p>After finishing her all too personal archery lesson with Robin and a heartfelt goodbye, Clara hopped into the Tardis.<p>

The Doctor followed her halfway, meeting Robin outside the blue doors. 'It seems I have judged you a little too hastily.'

'And I you, Doctor.' Robin looked at the Tardis meaningfully, as if to see through it. 'I suppose I shall not see you again?'

'Perhaps.' The Doctor's smile was fond, yet didn't quite reach her eyes. 'Perhaps not.'

He seemed to understand. 'I see. Well, make sure to call upon this little forest if you ever tire of the stars.' He smiled at the Doctor's surprised expression. 'Clara told me your stories.'

'Ah.'

'It is true then. In the future I am forgotten as a real man. I am but a legend.'

The Doctor put a hand on his shoulder. 'My dear, you are said to be bravest of the brave, saviour of the weak and hero to the vulnerable. There are worst ways to be remembered.'

'Clara says the same of you. You are her hero, I think.'

The Doctor laughed. 'I'm no hero.'

'Neither am I.' Robin's eyes twinkled. 'But if we both keep pretending to be? Perhaps others will be heroes in our name. Perhaps we will both be stories. And may those stories never end.'

Robin held out his hand, and the Doctor shook it.

'Every child will know the name Robin Hood. Make it a good one, eh?'

'And you, Doctor.'

The Doctor nodded, the hint of sadness in her eyes, and entered the Tardis.

* * *

><p>'Admit it. You like him.'<p>

The engines groaned, and the Tardis core began to flux. 'He has a certain charm. Plus, great hair, which is always an added bonus.'

The Doctor pulled a monitor over to where Clara stood, and they both watched the on-screen reunion of Robin Hood and his Lady Marion.

Clara watched the screen, transfixed, a huge smile on her face.

The Doctor watched Clara.


	23. Robot Of Sherwood: Part Eleven

Clara had changed back into her pyjamas. How long had she been away? She couldn't tell. She wondered if getting back in bed now would count as a lie in - that is, if the Doctor didn't overshoot again.

She hung the dress up carefully, lovingly smoothing the creases out of the fabric. The Doctor had offered it to her, but Clara had declined. It had too many adventures awaiting it. She couldn't take it away from the Tardis any more than she could stay away herself. Funny, that. Less than a week ago she was sure she was going to be with the Doctor forever, and then she had very nearly left. But now? Now she was certain. Mind set, she made her way back to the console room.

The Doctor had told her once that the Tardis redecorated heself to suit the Time Lord, leaving Clara to wonder why there were chairs at all. The Doctor didn't sit if she could help it; she lounged, leaning or draping herself across objects. She leaned now, back against the console, hands in pockets. If she had been a student, Clara would have told her off.

'Ten past seven. I promise this time.'

Clara smiled, not quite genuinely. 'I'll believe it when I see it.'

The Doctor frowned. 'Is something the matter?'

Clara tried to find a way to arrange the words. 'Doctor...'

'Yes?'

'You asked me something earlier and I didn't answer.'

'Oh?' She said it in an offhand manner, but turned away, fiddling with some controls that Clara knew to do very little.

'And the truth is - I can't answer you. I can't. You asked me if I'd like you to change back, but that's impossible... Because you haven't changed, Doctor, not one bit. Not where it counts.'

The Doctor stopped fidgeting and turned around. 'That... That was a good answer.' A smile broke out across her face like sunlight after a storm.

'I'm an English teacher. It's my superpower.'

The Doctor started to laugh but stopped short. 'English?'

'Yeah. My Mandarin's not quite up to scratch.'

The Doctor scowled, and flicked Clara's forehead playfully. 'I thought you took history.'

'Nope. Definitely English.'

'Well, now you mention it, that does explain a lot.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Nothing! Nothing at all.'

Clara pulled a face and flicked the Doctor back.

The Doctor gasped in mock offence. 'Get out of here. Go on. Shoo!'

Laughing, Clara made her way out of the Tardis and into her living room, closing the door behind her. She checked the clock. Ten past. She rushed over to the window and threw the curtains open - the sky was pitch black, studded with stars and the occasional snowflake. Ten past seven. _At night_. Clara groaned. 'Doctooooor!'

Behind her, the Tardis began to disappear.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who has read and followed and reviewed! I'm really enjoying writing this so I'm really grateful for all your feedback. I realise some of these chapters have been a little dull or short, but I've been finding some scenes hard to write due to them not having much that I felt needed adjusting to this Doctor's personality. Storylines have been swapped around a bit because of this (I didn't think this Doctor would end up in some of the same situations as in canon) but I promise you, I have big plans. Big, twisty, sadistic plans. Muhahahaha.<strong>


	24. An Inspector Calls: Part One

'I knew this was a bad idea!' Clara yelled.

They ran through a long, grand-looking corridor, both in black dresses and white pinafores. A giant squid crashed through the panelled walls behind them.

'Nonesense!' The Doctor shouted back. 'This was a great idea!'

Black ink shot out at them, and they ducked just in time to miss it.

* * *

><p>Clara stepped out of the supply cupboard and into the hallway, the Tardis dematerializing behind her. She was back in her work clothes - mostly.<p>

In her hurry to get to her classroom, she ran straight into another teacher. 'Sorry!'

The teacher frowned at her. 'What's that on your head?'

Eyes wide, she patted her hair, and felt the maid's cap still perched in it's place. She ripped it off. 'I was just, uh, doing a dramatic reading.'

* * *

><p>The first time Clara's phone buzzed, she ignored it.<p>

She was in a bar - nothing fancy, more of a Weatherspoons vibe than anything else. Low-key, fireplace stoked, laid back music playing. And, of course, the enigmatic (if not awkward) Mr. Pink.

It was going pretty well so far. There was something about Danny that reminded Clara of home; he seemed familiar even when she hadn't seen him before, his slow, gravelly voice like music to her ears. And he was funny and charming and sweet, even if a little nervous. Which, if anything, endeared her to him more.

She wondered if this classed as a date. Her heart warmed at the idea.

And then her phone buzzed again.

Clara smiled apologetically. 'I should probably get this.'

'Don't worry about it.' He smiled back, those dark brown eyes so calm and understanding. They followed her as she walked out into the evening.

It was cold out. Winter hadn't quite given way yet, and Clara had forgotten her coat. Shivering slightly, she pressed the phone to her ear. 'Tell me, quickly. Is it important? Can it wait?'

'And a warm welcome to you too, my dear.'

'Doctor!' Clara hissed. 'I'm busy!'

'Then yes, it is very, very important and no, it definitely cannot wait.'

'What is it? What's happened?'

'Two words. _Flying fish._ Actual flying fish, I mean, not those silly Earth ones. They're like birds, except they have scales and swim through water vapour. So nothing like a bird at all, really.'

Clara tried not to smile.

* * *

><p>She hurried back to her seat, a big, slightly breathless grin on her face.<p>

Danny frowned. 'Is it raining?'

'Um. No?'

'Oh... It's just... Your hair. It's a bit damp.'

* * *

><p>Two figures struggled through a thick blizzard, weighed down by big fur coats. They had to fight the gale simply to move forward. Finally, just as the ice began to break beneath their feet, they reached the Tardis. They burst inside and collapsed.<p>

Lying on her back, the Doctor kicked the doors closed.

'Cold cold cold cold cold.' Clara mumbled, shivering violently. Her teeth chattered even as she spoke.

* * *

><p>Danny opened his apartment door to a very windswept looking Clara. She went up on tiptoe to meet him with a kiss, but he jumped out of her grasp.<p>

'Your hands are freezing!'

She rubbed them on her coat. 'Sorry. It's cold out.'

Danny frowned as Clara made her way inside. 'It's August.'

* * *

><p>Clara skipped down the steps toward the Tardis doors. 'See you Wednesday, yeah?'<p>

The Doctor had been fiddling with something on the underside of the control panel, wearing what looked like old driving goggles with magnified lenses. She pushed them her forehead and stood. 'Ah, about that. Something's come up.'

Clara laughed. _'You_ have plans?'

'I know.'

_'You've_ planned something. _You.'_

The Doctor shuddered. 'You don't have to rub it in.'

'So what are you doing?' Clara said, looking back in through the doorway.

'I'm not telling you.'

'Oh, come on.'

'It's for me to know, and you to find out.'

'Aah. So I will find out, then.'

'I dare say so.' The Doctor pulled the goggles back down, and her eyes looked large and round through the lenses. 'Now scram. I'm extremely busy.'

Clara smiled and closed the door.


	25. An Inspector Calls: Part Two

**You may have noticed the change in episode title, but hopefully it's self-explanatory. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

><p>Clara leaned out of her classroom just as Danny walked past. 'What's going on?'<p>

'Emergency meeting, apparently.'

'Oh yeah?' Clara said, closing the door behind her. 'What's Courtney done this time?'

They walked through the empty hallways together, so close their arms rubbed. When they reached the staffroom, laughing, the other teachers were already gathered there in silence.

'Sorry.' Clara said, shooting Danny a 'we have to behave now' look. It didn't do much - if anything, it made it worse; they both had to purse their lips in order to hide their smiles.

'As I was saying,' Mr. Armitage continued with a furrowed brow, 'We have a visitor. For the next few days or so, Coal Hill will be under the keen supervision of Miss...?'

'Smith.'

Clara's head whipped around. There, in the middle of the room, stood a petite blonde with short short hair. 'Joh-o-anne Smith. That's me. Joanne.' The Doctor wore slim black frames and a black skirt suit. She winked at Clara.

'What are you doing here?' The word's slipped out of Clara's mouth before she could stop them.

Danny frowned at her. 'Clara?'

'I'm from Ofsted.' The Doctor flashed her psychic paper. 'I've come for your biannual health and safety inspection.'

'No, no no no. There aren't any biannual healthy whatevers.'

'Clara!' Mr. Armitage hissed.

'It's new policy.'

'Since when?'

'Miss Oswald!' Mr. Armitage had turned bright red.

The Doctor patted his shoulder. 'It's quite alright, old chap, I'm used to it.' She turned back to the rest of the room. 'I'll just be having a quick poke around and then I'm gone. Now, are there any other questions? ...No? Well, I'm sure you're all very busy so I won't keep you for a second longer.'

Mr. Armitage clapped his hands together. 'Yes, I think we'd best get to work. Unless you have anything else to add, Clara?'

Clara didn't hear, too busy staring at the Doctor. Danny nudged her.

She blinked. 'Hmm? Oh. No.'

The staff began to disperse, and when Clara didn't move, Danny tugged her away.

He pulled her into an abandoned corridor. 'Are you alright?'

'Yeah. Yeah, why?'

'Because you just freaked out at an Ofsted inspector.'

'Oh. That.'

'Do you know her?'

'Who?'

Danny sighed. _'Clara.'_

'Sorry. I'm just a bit stressed, you know?'

'Yeah, I know. You've been acting kind of weird lately.'

'I have?'

'You're always not quite there.'

Clara made sure to focus on him properly then. 'I'll be better, I promise.'

'I don't want better. I want to know what's bothering you.' He looked so caring and so sincere, Clara almost told him.

Instead, she said, 'I think I've left some marking.'

He didn't push it any further, just let her past.

Clara could have kicked herself. Oh, God, he was too good for her.

* * *

><p>When Clara re-entered the staff room, the Doctor beamed at her. 'Clara!'<p>

'Shh!' She hissed. 'What are you doing here?'

The Doctor paid no attention. 'Is that the boy you've been mooning over?'

'I have not been mooning!'

'Oh honey, you've got it bad.'

'Is that why you're here?'

'Well, I would like to know his prospects, but it's not my sole purpose, no.'

'Then tell me!'

'I did. Health and safety.'

Clara took a deep breath to calm herself. 'Doctor. Are there aliens in this school?'

'Yes. There's a particularly pretty one right in front of you. Speaking of which,' The Doctor posed. 'How do I look?'

'Like you're about to ruin everything!'

'Perfect.'

'No, not perfect. You cannot pass yourself off as a real person among actual people.'

'Oho. Is that a bet?'

'It most definitely is not! Please, just- just tell me one thing. Are the kids safe?'

The Doctor put her hands on Clara's shoulders and looked her in the eyes. The action was so familiar, it was if they had stepped back in time. The Doctor's forehead still creased the same way, her grey-blue eyes still just as old and wise. It was the same reassuring smile on different lips. 'They will be.'


	26. An Inspector Calls: Part Three

'...And we have our emergency response procedure down to a five... minute... drill... Miss Smith?'

The Doctor's eyes had closed, and she swayed to the side slightly. Mr. Armitage frowned and leaned in close. Was that...? Yes. She was snoring.

'Miss Smith?'

The Doctor snapped awake. 'Zygons!'

'Pardon?'

'Zygons. Big, ugly things. Hideous. All red and bumpy and...' The Doctor realised she was getting a funny look. 'What's that?' She pointed at the metal cabinet, sticking out of the wall on the other end of the schoolyard.

'That? It's a junction box.'

'Could I take a quick peek inside?'

'Of- Of course. I'll get the keys.'

'Don't bother.' The Doctor practically skipped across the yard. She whipped the sonic out of her inside pocket and aimed it at the box. It popped open.

'How did you do that?' Mr. Armitage said, once he had caught up.

'I, er, have a knack for locks.'

'I heard whistling...'

'A bad habit of mine.' The Doctor imitated the sound of her sonic as she inspected the circuitry. Her whistle trailed off.

'What is it?'

'Well, that would be the cause of all your problems.'

The old man peered in. 'What?'

'It's ancient! Look at it. It's like a caveman taped some spoons together.'

'But it was updated last year.' said Mr. Armitage, somewhat indignantly.

'Which makes absolutely... all the sense in the world, because it's 2014. Of course it is. I knew that.'

At this point, Mr. Armitage was completely baffled.

The Doctor bent over and began to fiddle with the wiring.

'What are you doing?'

'Don't worry. I have everything under control.' Sparks flew. 'Sort of.'

'Is that quite safe?'

'Quite.' The Doctor slipped a device in place and slammed the doors closed. 'Now. How about we discuss classroom safety?' She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and steered him away. 'You see, I'd quite like to check out how a teacher would address certain protocols.'

'You want to observe a lesson? Like, PE or science or...?'

'Actually,' The Doctor said. 'I was thinking more along the lines of, oh, I don't know... Maths?'

* * *

><p>'So what do you think of him?' The Doctor asked.<p>

Mr. Pink had been teaching the laws of indices when there had been a sharp rapping on the door. In came the inspector, babbling mostly to herself, much to the bafflement of both the class and it's teacher. She had eventually taken a seat at the back table with five other children.

'He sets a lot of homework.' Grumbled one boy.

'No, no. Not like that. Real stuff. You know. Which Hogwarts house would you sort him into? What are his views on abstract expressionism? Is he a Spice Girls fan?'

The girl on the Doctor's left piped up. 'My mum said he's a dish. I don't know what she means, though. He's not even round.'

'Good start. What else?'

'He's in looove with Miss Oswald.' Crooned another boy.

'Yes, it would seem there's a club forming.' Muttered the Doctor.

The first boy spoke up again. 'He cried in class once.'

'Aha. Sensitive. How come?'

'They asked him about the war, apparently.'

'He was a soldier?' The Doctor said it slowly, somewhere between a statement and a question.

'What's wrong with your eye?'

The Doctor realised her eye was twitching and put a hand over it. 'Nothing. What's wrong with your eye?' She retorted.

'I think he's lovely.' Said a small voice. It was a little girl with plaited hair. 'He helped me with my fractions after school. Does that count?'

The Doctor looked over to Danny as he leaned over a student, and they laughed at something he said. She smiled. 'Yes, I should think it does.'


	27. An Inspector Calls: Part Four

Clara struggled with a large pile of books that towered over her head. With great difficulty, she twisted the handle on the store cupboard door and tried to push her way through. It was halfway open when it thudded into something, causing Clara to drop all the books.

She sighed, and dropped down to pick them up. Then, a thought occurred. Leaving the pile of Pride and Prejudice on the floor, she squeezed into the store cupboard, and came face to face with the Tardis. Clara folded her arms.

* * *

><p>Clara was waiting with her arms crossed when the Doctor arrived.<p>

'What is it?' She demanded.

The Doctor frowned, trying retrace their previous conversations in her head. 'Sorry?'

'Whatever it is you're not telling me.'

'Clara Oswald,' The Doctor said, preoccupied with unlocking the Tardis. 'You should know by now that I tell you everything.' She shot a quick, tentative smile over her shoulder before entering.

Clara marched in after her. 'How about endangering the school?'

The Doctor grimaced. 'Almost everything.'

'You admit it, then?'

'Ah, well, technically, it's already in danger. I'm simply... speeding up the process.'

'And that's helping how?'

The Doctor pulled the sonic screwdriver out of her pocket as they spoke - a green globe was projected in the air, and now the image shifted to some kind of machine. It looked like something from Robot Wars. 'Skovox Blitzer. Big killer robot thingy, possibly attracted by all the artron energy floating about the place.' The Doctor smiled wistfully, reminiscing. 'Coal Hill. I thought it sounded familiar.'

Clara frowned.

'Which, by the way, not the point. The point is, it has enough power to blow up the planet. Ringing any bells?'

'What, you think it's all connected?'

'Angry robots showing up everywhere we go? Nah. Probably a coincidence.'

Clara looked like she wanted to argue, then decided it wasn't worth the bother. Knowing the Doctor, she would probably end up more confused than when she started. 'This thing. If it's so bad, why not just leave it alone?'

'Curiosity.'

Clara was suddenly furious. 'That's it? _'Curiosity'?_ You're putting a load of kids in danger for what, a stupid experiment?'

The Doctor tapped Clara's forehead with the sonic. 'I _meant_ human curiosity.'

Clara deflated. 'Oh.'

'Thank you for the unwavering trust, by the way.'

Clara refolded her arms defensively. 'Yeah, well, you were hiding something, which means I wouldn't approve. And I wasn't exactly wrong, was I?'

'Aha. You say that, but, comparatively, this isn't dangerous at all.'

'You just said it could blow up the planet.'

'Which is a much smaller scale than the universe.'

Clara sighed and gave in. 'So what's this plan of yours? Assuming you have one, that is.'

'I'm offended. You assumed I had a plan? Somebody's not been paying attention.'

_'Doctor.'_ Clara said in a warning tone.

'Fine. Fine. You had to suck the fun out of it, didn't you? Yes, I have a plan. Now, where did it go? Pockets. Do you know, in this entire outfit, there is one single pocket. One.' As she spoke, the Doctor reached into her inside pocket. She went elbow deep, and yet the outside of her blazer remained in shape. 'I had to make adjustments, of course. Couldn't be having that, could I?'

'Doctor!'

'Aha! Here it is.' In the Doctor's hand was something small and metal. She clipped it on her wrist.

'A new watch.' Clara observed. 'Tiny bit disappointed.'

'Do you really think I'd be boring twice in one day? It's a fancy watch. James Bond is written all over this baby.'

'What does it do? Shoot lasers?'

The Doctor grinned. 'Not quite.' And then- gone. She had vanished.

'Doctor?' Clara spun on the spot. 'Doctor?'

The Doctor reappeared beside her. 'Yes dear?'

Clara's hand shot up to her chest. 'Jesus!' She released a shaky breath. 'You scared me! How did you do that?'

The Doctor held up her wrist. 'Invisibility watch.'

'That's incredible!'

'Like I said; fancy. If everything goes to plan - which it will - the Blitzer will detect the alien tech and come after it. I'm not entirely fond of being shot, so I thought the watch might come in handy.'

'So you're- you're leading that thing here? To a school? My- my school?'

'Don't worry, dear. It'll be easy. Plain sailing. A proverbial walk in the park.'

'Then I'll help. Make it twice as easy.'

'No need - all the work's done.' The Doctor threw Clara a device. 'Chronodyne generators.' She explained. 'I set them up around school, so all I need to do now is switch them on and _whoomph,_ goodbye Blitzer.' The Doctor held her hands up, and Clara threw the generator back. 'We'll go back to adventuring tomorrow. Pinky promise.'

Those last words resonated in Clara's ears, reminding her of the conversation with Danny that morning. She nodded slowly. 'Right. See you tomorrow.'


	28. An Inspector Calls: Part Five

Clara met Danny in their usual spot, her mind still back in the Tardis with the Doctor. It felt wrong to walk away.

Danny's voice broke through her thoughts. 'Miss Oswald.'

She tried to look pleased. 'Mr. Pink.'

'Are you still on for tonight? You had your 'I'm about to cancel' frown on.'

Clara frowned deeper. 'There's a specific frown?'

'And I was going to say, it's okay. I might have a thing, so...'

'A thing?'

Danny suddenly looked uncomfortable - not that it was anything new. 'Er, tomorrow instead?'

'Tomorrow's parents' evening.' Clara replied, flatly.

'Not all evening.'

'No.' She agreed, perhaps a little too quickly. A micro expression flashed across Danny's face, too fast to decipher.

He looked past her then, his attention caught by something in the background. Clara followed his gaze to where the Doctor stood, rifling through her pocket.

'What do you think of her?'

Clara tried to sound nonchalant. 'Er, who? Miss Smith?'

'She doesn't seem odd to you?'

'Why? What's happened? What's she done?'

Danny frowned. 'Nothing. She just asked my students some unusual questions.'

'Oh? Like- like what?'

'Something about the Spice Girls, apparently.'

'Did you talk to her?'

'No, not much.'

'What did she say? She didn't- she didn't mention anyone, did she?'

'No?' Danny seemed bemused, but there was something else beneath that, something Clara wasn't sure she liked the look of. She decided it could wait.

'Right. Good-o. I'll, er, see you tomorrow, yeah?'

And there it was again. 'Yeah. Goodnight, Miss Oswald.'

'Goodnight, Mr. Pink.'

When Clara looked back, the Doctor was gone.

* * *

><p>The Doctor strolled through the corridors, singing softly to herself. If anyone had been watching, all they would have witnessed was the occasional swinging door and a disembodied voice.<p>

'And when she passes, each one she passes goes...'

The Doctor trailed off as the Skovox Blitzer scuttled around the corner. If she hadn't been invisible, an onlooker would have seen the wide grin on her face.

'Bingo.'

* * *

><p>'Doctor!' Clara called, storming back inside the supply cupboard. '...Doctor?' The Tardis was gone. Clara sighed. 'Oh, you are in so much trouble when I find you.'<p>

* * *

><p>The Doctor burst into the hall, visible once more. A circle of chairs was set out, and on them, chronodyne generators. They flashed red.<p>

'Oh dear.' The Doctor leaned over a chair, pressing her face up close to the blinking device. She closed one eye. Then the other. She alternated between the two. 'Please tell me I'm colour blind.'

The Blitzer charged in after her. 'RANGE: ONE-POINT-FOUR-NINE. SCAN COMPLETE. PROBLEM. PROBLEM.'

The Doctor leapt backward, a nervous smile on her face. She put her hands in the air. 'No need to be hasty now, eh? I'm harmless. Look at me, I'm all short and boney.' The Doctor caught her reflection in a window. She posed, admiring the way the light hit her cheekbones. 'Scratch that. Have you seen me? I look _good.'_

'PROBLEM. SOLUTION: DESTROY.'

At that point, Danny marched through the double doors. 'I want a word with you.'

'It's really not a good time!' The Doctor called back, not taking her eyes off the robot.

The Skovox Blitzer turned away from her and moved toward Danny. 'PROBLEM. SOLUTION: DESTROY.'

Danny's eyes bulged, and he scrambled backward. The Blitzer shot it's laser at him, and he grabbed a chair as if to fight it off. 'No! Get away from me!'

The Doctor pressed her sonic, and the air near the Blitzer bulged and curved, pulling everything in the room toward it. The chair was yanked out of Danny's grip.

The Blitzer was also dragged toward the vortex, it's feet skidding along the polished floor. Danny began to slide along with it.

'No!' Clara called, rushing into the room. 'No no no no no! Doctor!' She ran to Danny, trying to pull him back.

'WARNING. SYSTEM FAILURE. ABORT. ABORT.' The Blitzer was sucked into the swirling golden void, and the Doctor shut it off.

Danny and Clara fell back in a heap. Clara scrambled to her feet, helping Danny up with her.

The Doctor dusted herself off and smiled at him as if nothing had happened. 'What was it you wanted me for?'

Danny looked completely stunned. He stared at the Doctor, then at Clara, his mouth open slightly. 'Did you see that thing? Tell me you saw that thing.'

'I saw the thing, yeah. Doctor, are we safe? Is the planet safe? It's gone?'

The Doctor was as breezy as ever. 'Sort of. Kind of. No. No, not at all. There's been a slight technical hitch. You know how it is.'

'But the chronodyne worked. It's gone.'

'The vortex should have taken it a billion years into the future. Now it's somewhat less.'

'How long do we have?'

'Seventy-four hours.'

'Seventy-four!' Clara sputtered, incredulous. 'You said it would be plain sailing!'

'It was! Everything was perfectly aligned! I had it all set up and then...' The Doctor trailed off as her eyes drifted past Clara and onto Danny, it suddenly dawning on her what had occurred. She lowered her voice to a whisper. 'Your boyfriend. He's here.'

They both turned to look at him.

Danny was no longer struggling to speak. 'Clara, why are you talking to her like that? Why are you using words like chronodyne? Was that thing a space thing? Oh. Oh my God. You're from space. You're a spacewoman. You said you were from Blackpool.'

Clara turned to the Doctor, her eyes pleading. She couldn't think of good lies, not on the spot, not like the Doctor could.

'Tell him.' The Doctor said, simply.

'What?'

'He needs to know, Clara.'

Clara nodded. 'Right. Yeah. Of course.' She turned back to face him. 'Danny, you're probably wondering what just happened, and, well, the truth is... It's a play. For the summer fete.'

'Clara-'

'Shut up, it is a play. We are rehearsing a play. Shh, shh, shh, shh. A surprise play. And, er, you see, the vortex thing is- is a lighting effect. Very clever. And that thing is- is one of the kids. In fancy dress. Really, really good fancy dress.'

Danny looked hurt. That was what had flashed across his face earlier - suspicion, yes, and disbelief - but mostly hurt. 'How stupid do you think I am? I'm not a moron, Clara.' He pointed. 'And she's not from Ofsted. She's your aunt. Your space aunt.'

One of the Doctor's eyebrows arched upward.

'Charming. Although, it's definitely a step up from chin boy.' She said, shooting Clara a look. She wiped her hands on her skirt then held her one out to Danny. 'Hello, I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey and I'm two thousand years old - which, granted, is probably a lie, because to be blatantly honest with you I lost count at around two hundred.' She gave up on shaking his hand and hopped up the steps to the stage. 'I like nothing more than a good book, warm socks and sometimes I run away with your girlfriend in my time-travelling spaceship that just so happens to look like a police phone box.' She pulled the curtain back as she spoke, revealing the Tardis.

'You're an alien?'

'That would be the short answer, yes.'

He looked at Clara. 'And you're...'

'Still from Blackpool.'

He turned back to the Doctor, making a vague gesture to where the Skovox Blitzer had stood. 'And what about that thing? Did you bring that here?'

'No. Well, sort of, but only to get rid of it.'

'You said it was coming back.'

'Yes. Unfortunately, I was telling the truth. I do that sometimes.'

'This is a school. We have to evacuate. Call the army.'

'Yes. No. Definitely not. One out of three. Gold star for effort.'

'But we need to get help. This is an emergency.'

'Ding ding ding. Hello, I'm the Doctor. I think I mentioned that.'

'What will you do now?' Clara asked.

'I'll figure something out. Probably.' Clara opened her mouth to argue, but the Doctor held her hands up to stop her. 'Kidding! I'm kidding. I have a plan. Everything is under control.'

Clara seemed convinced - or, at least, like she wanted to be. 'Will you be okay?'

The Doctor beamed down at both of them. 'Cross my hearts and kiss my elbow.'

Clara nodded, satisfied, and began to usher Danny out of the hall. The Doctor watched them go with a taut smile, keeping her fingers crossed behind her back.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry this update took so long! I've been super busy with mocks and college interviews for the last week. I'll try to get back to posting as regularly as I used to, but I still have a lot of Christmas shopping to do. Thanks for your patience!<strong>


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